


What would Loki do? - Act 1

by LucyGodwing



Series: What would Loki do? [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies), X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Developing Relationship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), M/M, POV Loki (Marvel), Past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Thor (2011), Set (mostly) in May 2012
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-12 03:10:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 38,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20138785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucyGodwing/pseuds/LucyGodwing
Summary: A mind-controlled Loki wakes up in the newly formed Avengers Tower, missing memories of the last two years. There is no way, he lets Thor take him back to Asgard, so he latches onto Tony, with promises of returning memories.Loki knows, Odin will get him eventually, but hopefully he can figure out a plan, till then. For now, he might just enjoy the bits of freedom he gets around the newly formed Avengers.





	1. The Aftermath of the Battle

When Loki woke up, he was drowsy. His body hurt, he felt like he had aged another century. He felt old, like he was on the brink of dying. He knew another century wouldn’t be _enough_ to cause that. He knew it had to be something else. People were shouting and it took Loki some time to realise where he was. Midgard. He had fond memories of this place. Suddenly someone grabbed him, apparently noticing, he was waking up. Loki couldn’t feel his face, as the man took it in his hands. Slowly he got into view.

_‘Brother’_, he wanted to say, but something prohibited him from doing that.

“I will take him back to Asgard, where he belongs”, Thor said, turning to the other people in the room.

“You can’t take him, Thor, you know as well as I do, that your father will hurt him, possibly even kill him.”

Loki looked at the brown-haired man, immediately recognising him. He made it. He was safe. He had saved Anthony. Slowly his eyes went through the room. Five other people were in it. A woman with bright red hair, a dark man with an eye patch, a tall blond man and two shorter dark-haired men, one with glasses and one without.

“Father won’t kill him. He still loves him, this is not something he would get punished for, after all, this is not his realm”, Thor tried to reassure Anthony.

“Oh, really? He won’t get punished there? He killed people, Thor! New York would be in ruins if Stark wouldn’t have shot that bomb into their ship”, the man with the eye-patch said strongly.

Were they talking about him? New York? He killed? No, this wasn’t him, this couldn’t be him. He would never. He just wouldn’t, Thor had to know that. Or maybe even Anthony.

“The bomb was not his fault, that was the fault of your people. And Anthony put it on himself to take care of it like that, which made us end the battle sooner.” Thor turned to Loki. “I shall take you home, Brother, all will be well.”

Swiftly Loki shook his head and looked to Anthony, begging him not to let Thor take him to Asgard. Quickly Anthony stepped forward. “Move it big guy, he doesn’t want to leave.”

“Probably to destroy Earth even more”, the blond man said and the one-eyed one nodded.

Reluctantly Thor left his brother’s side and Anthony put his hand on Loki’s shoulder. “Could I please talk to him without all of you staring? Thor said, that the cuffs should make it impossible to cast any magic, right?”

“Yes. He won’t be able to hurt you, Anthony.”

“Can I? You can watch from behind the glass, but I need to talk to him.”

Sighing the one-eyed one sent his people outside, Thor looked back at his brother and then followed them with his head hanging low.

“Please be yourself, please be yourself”, Anthony whispered while taking something from his mouth.

They stared at each other, before Loki saw the glim light behind Anthony’s shirt. “It is still in you. The thing you build in the cave.”

Anthony laughed a little and sat down on the bed. “Newer version, but yeah.” He looked up into Loki’s eyes and frowned. “Since when have you had green eyes?”

“I have always had green eyes, don’t you remember?”

“You had blue ones just a few days ago, I wouldn’t forget that, after all, you threw me through a window.”

“I threw you through a window? How are you not hurt, Anthony?”

He wanted to make a healing spell but was quickly shocked. He yelped and Anthony looked at him in surprise. “I am sorry, Anthony, I forgot what Brother said.”

“What did you want to do?”

“Heal you, of course.”

“Wouldn’t know about that, Lokes, you’ve been pretty different lately and boy, you haven’t aged a day.”

“But I have. Of course, I am not immortal.”

“Really? You were screaming how you were a God.”

“Did you get hurt, Anthony? I have to know, I couldn’t live with myself, if I hurt you.”

“The throw from the window hurt, but not as much as falling through a wormhole.”

“A hole for a worm? You could not possibly fall through that, unless you can shrink. Can you? Or did you mean wyrm hole? But I don’t think they make holes.”

“You opened a door in the sky to let aliens through from outer space.”

“No, I wouldn’t, you have to believe me, Anthony, I would never hurt your people, I would never change your future.”

“You did for me. Thor said, there was a high possibility, I would have died otherwise.”

“But I did not after that!”, Loki shouted, tears streaming down his face.

“Loki calm down. What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Letting go.” Anthony was a bit confused. “Letting go of Gungir. I fell into space. And now I am here. It is, like there is a fog in my mind. Why is that? I am hurting, inside and out, every time I try to think of it, why? My body. It must have been destroyed and reassembled, I am not myself anymore, everything hurts. Everything hurts, why does it hurt, Brother? Brother?! Why am I hurting, Brother?! Thor! Thor, please tell me, Brother, tell me what Heimdall saw!”

With heavy feet, Thor stomped into the room and gathered Loki in his arms, pressing him to his body. “I knew it wasn’t you, Brother, I knew there was someone clouding your mind.”

“What did Heimdall see? Or did he not look? Because I froze him, was he angry with me, so he didn’t look?”

“He tried to, Brother, but he couldn’t see you. He couldn’t see you anywhere, Mother said you were not dead. She would feel it, if you were dead. When Heimdall finally spotted you, he said you were different, not yourself, Father has sent me to get you back, but I had to abide with Midgard law. But no more, I’m taking you home.”

“How? There is no Bifrost.”

“It is true, it is still being built. But we have the Tesseract.”

“The what?” Loki looked confused from Thor to Anthony, who had turned away and was texting on his phone.

“It does not matter, Brother. I will take you back, yes?”

“No”, Loki hushed, “Please, no, I wish to stay here, even if I will have to get hurt for something I have yet to recall. I cannot face Father; please tell Mother I am sorry. Heimdall too and thank him for looking out for me.”

“I’m sure he already knows. But are you sure? I won’t be able to come back, until the Bifrost is fixed, without your knowledge, it could take years.”

“They would not let me help anyway, after all, I did destroy it.”

“I did.”

“But I was the one who froze it, you had to, because of me. To save the Jötnar.”

“To think I would save them.” They both laughed lightly with an embrace. “Alright, Brother, I shall leave you in the hands of these people. Anthony, you will protect him, yes?”

“I’ll take care of him. I bet Pepper will be so happy to see you again, Loki.”

“Oh, she was such a kind woman, I would be delighted to see her.”

“She told me, I had to be lying, when I said it was you.”

“I will tell you anything of importance that I will hopefully remember, yes, Anthony, would that be alright?” The door opened before Anthony could answer and Thor stepped away from Loki.

“What is not of importance in your eyes, Loki?”, the one-eyed man asked him.

“Perhaps how often I went to the toilet.”

“I want to know everything, Loki. Even the smallest detail.”

“I could show you, but you do not want me to use my magic.” The look Loki got from the one-eyed man was one he couldn’t really pinpoint in between anger and disgust. Not his humour. “Of course, I will tell you everything and anything I remember within the timeframe, Sir, to the best of my abilities.”

“Good. Stark, you’re going to lock him up here, at your place, right? We saw what the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents did to him.”

“I will, Fury.” His eyed seemed to move across the people in the back of the room. “And if even one of you so much as touches him, you will land in lockup too.”

Loki looked to Anthony in surprise, who seemed so protective of him. Swiftly he turned away. He should not show affection for him, even though his heart was bursting from that statement.

“I will go now, Brother, you will be alright.”

Loki sent his brother a soft smile. “When will Father take away my Æsir disguise?”, he asked, before Thor set on his way to leave.

“I guess it will be soon, if Mother can’t make him keep it on you.”

“Then I shall turn ugly.”

“But at least then these people will be convinced you cannot cast magic.”

“I guess then he should not bother keeping it on then.”

“I will tell him.” Thor looked to Fury. “Where can I find the Tesseract?”

“Follow me”, he said and led him out.

Almost everyone else followed, Only the short dark-haired with glasses remained, nodding for Anthony to step to the side. “Tony, I don’t think this is the best idea.”

“I’ll be fine, we will all be fine, Banner. I know Loki. You heard what Thor and I talked about right? Loki was the one that told Rhodey how to find me after I escaped. Without him, I might not even be here today.”

“I get that, but it took the Hulk to knock him out of his stupidity and even _that_ he doesn’t remember.”

“I do not know why I cannot remember, but I wish to learn that, Sir”, Loki softly said with a hopeful look towards Banner, who continued to stare at him and eventually turned to Anthony.

“You are crazy. And you want to let him and Miss Potts in the same room?”

Without waiting for an answer, Banner turned away and left. Anthony sighed deeply and then stepped in front of Loki, who was sitting at the edge of the bed, slightly looking up into his warm brown eyes, his heart beating faster, when Anthony took a lock of Loki’s raven hair and twisted it with his fingers.

“I have missed you, Loki. I never really got to thank you.”

“I only helped, Anthony.”

“I want you to call me Tony, Loki.”

“I don’t think I should, your friends would not appreciate it.”

“Please, Loki.”

He took a short breath, when Tony laid his own forehead against his. “Tony”, he whispered, and saw the normally shorter man smile at him.

“And you did more than help, Lokes. Pep said you were in my mind, taking my pain away.”

“I never told her the last part.”

“But I guessed. And I guessed right.”

“You were very important to her. And your money kept me in that hospital.”

“But you didn’t need to take my pain away.”

“You were suffering.”

Tony laid his index finger upon Loki’s lips. “You saved me, Loki, no talking around that.”

Loki didn’t want to breathe, while he watched Tony, who didn’t focus on his eyes anymore, but more on his lips. He was his prisoner, yet he didn’t feel like one, he knew Tony wasn’t looking at him like that because of him being his prisoner, but rather… He did not even want to think that thought, knowing if he was wrong, he would hate himself for that.

When the door abruptly opened, Tony quickly stepped away, leaving Loki to finally exhale and then look over to the door.

“Pepper!”, he shouted with delight. Grinning she almost ran over to him and enclosed him in his arms.

“Loki, darling, you are really back.”

“Yes, he is”, Tony murmured, turning away and then walking out.

“You are still such a beauty, Pepper.”

She gave him a friendly push against his shoulder. “And you are still a charmer.”

“Oh, nonsense, I only tell the truth, even if I am a trickster, I could not possibly lie to you. How do you fare?”

“I am well, though, I hear you have not been all too well.”

“What has changed with you?”

“Well, Tony and I are going strong, sometimes he still gets on my nerves, with all of his suits now and his wanting to save the world, but I guess that’s what you call love.”

“Oh, you two are…”

“In a relationship, yes.”

For a moment Loki thought about the consequences of the moment he had shared with Tony, before she came in, and then decided to say nothing, after all, nothing really happened, right?

“I am happy for you. But does that not make things weird at work?”

“Oh, no, Loki, I don’t work for him anymore.”

“I guess that would make things easier.”

“I was the CEO for a while though, but now Tony runs things again. After all, it’s his tech.”

“I thought he made weapons.”

“After he came back, he quit all that, I guess he switched from offense to defence, one could say.”

“That seems much safer.”

“It definitely isn’t with his suits. And he hasn’t been sleeping, he hasn’t been to any meetings either.”

“That doesn’t seem wise.”

“Yeah, they really want to hear from him, but if he goes on like this, I guess, I have to step back up and take over.”

“Seems like he is still a burden.”

She smiled while caressing his face. “Sometimes.”

“But you love him?”

“I care for him, yes.”

“Caring and loving is not the same, dear Pepper. I cared for my wife and children, yet I did not love them, not truly. Not like they deserved.”

“I like spending time with him. Sometimes more out of the bedroom than in it.”

Loki turned red at the thought of Pepper and Tony laying intertwined in one bed. “I do not wish to make you uncomfortable, dear Pepper, it is an inappropriate conversation.”

“We can always talk freely, Loki, especially now that we know you are not just from some far-away land.”

“I hope to share a lot with you, now that I am not restricted with breaking your mind.”

“Why would you break my mind?”

“The thought of there being outer-worldly creatures.”

“Oh, Loki, that would have never broken me. I’ve seen my fair amount of weird in the last few years. It would honestly shock me, if there would _not _be other worlds, planets, cultures, people.”

He sighed gladly and took her hands in his, softly rubbing his thumb across her skin. “Then I am hopeful we can stay friendly.”

“We stayed friendly, remember, Loki? Even after you told me you had powers.”

“They are not powers, it is my Seiðr.”

“That, yes.” They both chuckled, before she let go of him. “When was the last time you ate, Loki?”

“I honestly do not know.”

“I will get you something. Sweet, Spicy?”

“You choose, Pepper, please, it has been too long since I’ve tasted an earthly cuisine.”

Smiling, she left, and Loki sat with his head in his hands. He cannot have Tony; he shouldn’t even think about him. Pepper would be furious. Not just with him, but with Tony too. He cannot lose her. His thoughts must be professional. He was the prisoner; Tony was the guard. And this, wherever he was, was his jail. He did not even have windows to take a look outside. He wanted to see, what he had caused, he wanted to see, how badly he had hurt the people, he had promised, never to hurt.

When the door opened again, he expected Pepper or Tony, but was surprised with the sight of the small man with glasses.

“Hi, Loki, I’m just here to take some blood, to make sure you are alright, okay? After all, your punishment has yet to come.”

Loki nodded slowly. “It is already punishment, hearing that I hurt people on Midgard, I mean, Earth. I am very fond of the people here.”

“I hear you knew Tony before all of this.”

“Yes. I met him once. On New Year’s Eve, 2008, 2009. And later he had visited me in the hospital, whenever he seemed bored.”

“Sounds like him, yep.”

“I did not like him very much when we first met, he was drunk.”

Banner laughed a little and then decided to finally introduce himself: “I am Bruce Banner by the way. And I am a certified doctor.”

“I’m just a certified monster, I’d guess.”

He laughed at that, too, which made Loki happy. Right humour. It didn’t take long for Bruce to take blood. Loki knew he meant well, that he didn’t give him anything to harm him. “How long have you known Mister Stark?”, he asked interested, making sure he did not seem so close to Tony.

“Oh, I’ve heard about him a long time ago, like everyone, but we only met after you came back to Earth.”

“It must be a horror out there; I am scared about the amount of damage I have done.”

“Well you did the least damage. Your army did most of it.”

“I had an army? This cannot be, I would never seek out the help of other people.”

“Well, Loki, you had one, with huge whale-like creatures that floated through the air.”

“What a horror indeed. But you have defeated them?”

“Yeah. Tony shot an atomic missile at their ship out in space. They all just collapsed, like it was keeping them alive or something like that. That of course wasn’t fun, since all of them dropped anywhere over New York.”

“Seems very messy, but To-, Mister Stark is fine?”

“He says he is, was dead for a second there, but we got him back.”

“I would hate myself even more, if I knew I killed someone I once knew.”

“He isn’t dead yet. And we are all keeping an eye on him. He seemed a lot calmer after he spoke with you.”

“I hope he will do better over time. Or all of you, for that matter. I might have a little mischief in me, but I still have a heart. I will await my punishment now.”

Bruce nodded, more to himself, than to Loki. Softly he put his hand on Loki’s arm, before leaving without another word. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that, Loki thought. He guessed people never like hearing about anyone getting punished. Even if it is a _God_ and he had hurt or even killed people.

Loki sat back on the bed, his back against the pillow, folding his hands and waiting for them to turn azure. When they finally did, he cried a little. He was not Æsir, he was Jötunn, he didn’t want that to be true. He wanted it to be a lie, something he dreamt, that didn’t happen, but it did, it was his legacy. He, a Jötunn, had tried to destroy Jotunheim. But he would have never done that to the people of Earth who meant him no harm.

“Hey, Lokes, you alright?”

Loki had not noticed that Tony had come back into the room. “I am blue.”

“I can see that.”

“Do you not fear me now?”

Tony came over and sat on the bed. Softly he took one of Loki’s hands. “You’re no different to me, Loki.”

“But I am so…”

“So…?”, Tony asked back.

“Different.”

“I just told you, you weren’t different.”

“I am not like you, or the people of Asgard. I am Jötunn, a Frost Giant, I stand out.”

“You already stood out, Loki, at least here on Earth.”

“I do not like that. I don’t want to be different.”

“Then why would you ask your brother to let your father take your disguise away?”

“Because it was the right thing to do. Thor should not think of me as his brother, but rather someone that was once just that.”

“Do you really want that?”

“I will miss him. Badly. But this is the sign he has already returned home. I am alone again.”

“Pepper and I are still here. And I think Bruce doesn’t really hate you all that much, so you already have three people on your side.”

“But you all don’t know me.”

“I _do_, Lokes”, Tony said firmly, pressing his hand.

“One and a half months is barely enough time to know somebody. Especially when we only saw each other for one week.”

“You were in my head for two and a half months more.”

“That would mean, I know you, Tony, not the other way around. I did not look into your thoughts.”

“Would you want to?”

“I cannot.”

“But _would_ you?”, Tony said, holding up a key. Quickly Loki shook his head.

“I should not, I will not, do not do that to me, Anthony!”

Tony laughed loud. “Damn, Loki, you really don’t trust yourself, do you?”

“I could hurt you.”

“You wanted to heal me.”

“The others wouldn’t like it. They would assume things.”

“Screw them.”

“I would see what I have done.” Tony’s face turned sad. “I would see all the destruction I have caused, I would see you die, I would feel what you felt, when I threw you out of that window.”

Tony grabbed Loki’s face. “You would only feel my heart break a little, Lokes.”

He pressed his lips on Loki’s head and stroke through his hair. Suddenly they heard the door close. Tony span around, but nobody was there. He was quick on his feet and bolted out of the room.

_‘What just happened?’_, Loki thought. _‘Was that… was that Pepper? It couldn’t have been Pepper, right? **Right**?’_ Tony kissed him. Not on his lips, on his forehead, but still, it meant something. His heart was still beating fast. Is that what love felt like? But then he thought of Pepper. _‘How hurt must she be? It wasn’t her, right? Bruce, maybe. Hopefully it was just Bruce or any of the other people for that matter.’_

When the door opened again, he knew it had been Pepper. Her eyes were red from crying.

“I am so sorry, Pepper”, he said, with his head down, hoping she would scream and hit him. But she didn’t. She handed him a pizza box and left again. “I didn’t want for this to happen”, he whispered before the door closed. “I really didn’t expect it to happen”, he said out loud to himself. He could have pushed Tony away. He _should_ have pushed Tony away, but it felt too good, being cared for.

Slowly he ate one piece of pizza after another, it didn’t taste as good as it probably would have, if he had Pepper to share it with. For a second he hoped Pepper would have poisoned it, after she saw them. Then he would disappear soon, and they would be like they were before. Then he wouldn’t have changed anything. He just shouldn’t have butted in all those years back, being in Tony’s head and telling them where to find him. Without that, this wouldn’t have happened. He stopped halfway through the pizza.

_‘If I die, everything will be alright.’_ If he would stop eating, he would die and if he would die, then Pepper and Tony would be happy again. Pepper would be happy again.

He put the pizza on the end of the bed and got up. He tried to look for a curse in his mind. If he’d cast spells, then he would be shocked and then he would die. So, he casted away, as many spells as he could remember, the deadly, the ugly, all the bad spells, powerful spells, he knew. He fell immediately, but cast further, until his mind could barely recall any new spells and he started anew. He hadn’t even noticed that people came into the room, until one was towering over him and pulling his hands away from each other.

“I must die! I must die!”, he shouted at the blond man. And then started to beg: “Please, let me die. _Please_.”

“Steve! Loki!” Tony came into the room and ran to them. “What did you do?”, he yelled at Steve.

“We came in here, because J.A.R.V.I.S. was telling us, that he was trying to break his chains. I just… I pulled his hands apart.”

“I must die. I must die! Pepper must be happy once more. I must not change things!”

“Loki!” Tony shoved Steve from him and grabbed him. “Please, Loki, I wouldn’t be able to live, if you died.”

“You have sufficient energy for a few dozen years.”

“And you for a few dozen centuries or something like that, Loki!”

“I should have gone with Thor. I should have left, then Pepper would still be happy.”

“Do you want me to be unhappy?”

“N-No.”

“Then don’t do this shit, buddy.” Tony grabbed him and pulled him to his chest, as they both started crying.

“I shouldn’t live”, Loki whimpered, “You shouldn’t have made her unhappy. She was so happy.”

“I’m sorry, Loki. Just for making her unhappy. Not for liking you.”

Loki hit his head against Tony’s chest, frustrated. “I cannot. I should not. But I do.”

“I don’t quite know what that’s supposed to mean.”

“I like you as well”, he breathed, looking up to Tony.

“Your eyes. They are like rubies.”

“Is that good or bad?”

“It’s magical, Loki.”

“And is that…”

“It’s fucking good!” Loki giggled into Tony’s shirt. Tony helped him up and onto his bed, before turning to his team. “Is everyone alright, does anyone have questions? If not, then leave.” Murmuring they all left, till Loki and Tony were alone again. “Damn they are annoying. I’ll go talk to Pepper, alright, I’ll explain things.”

“Please don’t tell her, what I tried to do. She will only be worried.”

“If you promise to never do that again, to never doubt me or my heart.”

“I can promise the first, but the second I don’t know.”

“We’ll work on that.”

“Yes”, Loki whispered and kissed Tony’s hand, “I would like that.”

Tony turned red and grinning he left the room. Was it alright? Could he really do that? Love a Human? They did not have that much time, not as much time as Loki would have. Tony would grow old, while he would stay the same, or similar. Could he really be okay with a loved one dying? And why must he already think of his death? They had today and tomorrow. Maybe even next week, next month and next year. They had time.

When Tony got back, he smiled.

“She said she was fine. I told her, she could stay here, as long as she wanted to, after all, I still care about her and she could have at me. But she didn’t. I told her, I had a crush on you, ever since back in the day. Even before you were in my head, I was enamoured.”

Loki’s cheeks flushed and he quickly curled up in his bed, hiding his face. Tony chuckled, before sitting down next to the bed and watched him.

“You are really cute, Loki, do you know that? I don’t know how old you are, honestly, I don’t care, as long as you’re legal.”

“Legal?”

“Like 18 years and upwards.”

“In percent or in actual years?”

“Actual?”

“Definitely.”

“And percent?”

“I am not actually sure how long Frost Giants live. Most get killed before that. Never reach high age, probably.”

“How old are you?”

“Umm, something over a thousand years?”

“What?!”

“I was born within the Great War of Æsir and Jötnar, but that was a long time ago in your eyes.”

“Loki, you look like you’re barely 25.”

“I assure you; I looked a lot better at 25 years of age.”

“Damn. And Thor, how old is he?”

“Maybe a year or so older? We don’t celebrate the date of the birthing often. Or maybe at all, in these later years.”

“I- I don’t know what to say to that. I knew you were old, but this old… Honey, no wonder you talk weird. Every few years you come here, and we talk all different.”

“I can catch up pretty quick.”

“And your brother?”

“He doesn’t care.”

“True. I guess he doesn’t. At least from what I can take from our conversations. You come here, every few years and everything is new and different, we celebrate differently.”

“I liked the times were everyone danced formally. I had quite a lot of fun in those times. The women with their wide dresses swinging though the ballrooms, it almost felt magical.”

“I can do that for you.”

“What?”

“I can throw a party with all old dressed and with only classical music.”

“Tony! I don’t want that.”

“But you liked it.”

“Yes. But… Times are changing. I want to get to know _this_ time.”

“But it’ll go like the blink of an eye.”

“And yet, I will spend my days here, Tony. I want to be where you are. _When_ you are.”

With a soft smile Tony took Loki’s face in his hands and kissed him gently. “I feel honoured.”

“Thank you”, Loki answered while tearing up. He pulled Tony close and kissed him back, “Thank you for allowing me to intertwine our lives for a while.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 29.09.2019: still fixing mistakes ;)  
edit 16.12.2019: formatting, capital letters, commas, Æsir, Jötnar,


	2. Aftermath of Retrospection

What Loki dreamed; was unlike anything he had ever dreamed before. And he knew it was not one of his normal dreams, as he could not cast with his Seiðr. The dreams were memories. Horrible, Horrifying memories, that threw Loki into a cocoon. He tried to build walls around himself, while he remembered. Remembered being not just broken, but broken into, both body and mind. After he fell and before he came to, it was a horrible collage of torture and rape all pushed into one ball that was rolling around in Loki’s mind, destroying every hope he had at a peaceful, safe life.

He laid shaking on the floor, even though he knew that the colder ground must soothe him. It was dark. Everything was dark. Why did it have to be so dark? When someone touched him, he screamed and screamed until his voice slowly left him and he curled into a whimpering ball of fear.

“Loki. Loki”, a soft female voice broke through the chaos in his mind. Female was good. There were no females hurting him. Females wouldn’t hurt him. “Loki.”

“T-The l-light, p-please.” He could barely form the words.

“Of course. J.A.R.V.I.S. could you turn on the lights?”

The darkness faded with a slightly robotic: “Yes, Miss Potts.”

Pepper was kneeling in front of him. “Loki?” She held out her hands and Loki jumped in to embrace her, the best he could with the shackles.

“Please save me, Pepper.”

She pulled him close. Rubbing his hurting back. “I’m right here, Loki, I’m right here, the nightmare is over.”

“It wasn’t a nightmare.” He was sobbing into Peppers nightgown.

“Oh, Loki, darling.”

“I need you. Please. I need you to protect me from them.”

“Who, Loki?”

“Men.”

She pulled him against her. “I’ll protect you, Loki, nobody will get to you.”

“Th-thank you, Pepper.”

“All men, out!”, she said harshly into the room and Loki heard shuffling of shoes on the ground and then the click of the door. “Natasha, could you get a wet towel and a comb from the bathroom, please?”

“Yes, Pepper.”

Pepper caressed his face, before pushing him away softly, to look at him. “Scratch that, can you let in a bath?”

“Coming right up. Do you need help, bringing him over?”

“Loki, can you stand?” Staggering Loki got up and nodded at her. “No need for that, Natasha.” They walked over to the bathroom and the red-haired woman assessed him.

“Do you want a different doctor, Loki? A female one?”, the red-haired asked him.

“P-please, yes.”

“Alright, I’ll clean up in the room and then I will figure out where to get a female doctor that is willing to work on a blue alien, without wanting to study him.”

“Th-thank you. I-I am v-very g-grateful.”

“Don’t worry about it. We all need that sometimes. Even if we have unwillingly become a mass murderer.” She walked away from them.

“She means well”, said Pepper, pressing his hand. They walked into the bathroom and she removed the chains between his arms and legs, the heavy bracelets remaining. Carefully she got him out of his clothes and helped him into the warm bath. He flinched a bit, but Pepper was very cautious when washing his body. “Do you remember writing us letters, Loki? Happy, Tony and me?”

“O-of course.”

“Tony showed me his yesterday.”

Loki paled. “But… It was only meant for him.”

“You loved him, back then.”

“I did, but… that doesn’t mean I have a claim on him.”

“I was crying to you, how I lost him and there you were, heartbroken, fearing for the love that you could not have.”

“I’m not supposed to change anything or well, I was not. My mother asked after that, again and again, why I did not go back. Too much happened, I was afraid he died, I did not know how to explain it, how I left, why I left. Maybe, if I had come back and not had tried to forget it ever happened, maybe then the city wouldn’t be in ruins.”

“Why did you leave then?”

“My sons. Odin punishes them, if I do not obey him.”

“How many do you have?”

“I had three. Now I only have one left. Sleipnir.”

“The horse? I read a bit, after you left.”

“He is a shapeshifter. And he is my boy”, he pressed.

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“Váli died while I was bound on earth.”

“Oh, Loki.” Softly she rubbed his back while he cleaned his privates with the sponge. Suddenly he stopped.

“Th-There is something wrong”, he almost whispered.

“What, Loki?”

“Th-there are two entrances. My… anus and uhm, something else. Why is there something else?”

“Maybe, wherever you are from, that’s normal there.”

“B-but…”

“Doctor is here! Should I let her in?”, came from outside the door.

“Yes, thank you, Nat.”

The door opened and in walked another red-haired woman. “Hi. I’m Doctor Jean Grey from Xavier’s School for gifted youngsters. I heard you needed a doctor who would work on a blue alien.”

“T-that is me, blue alien. Loki.”

“Hi. How can I help?”

“Uhm… Right now, I seem to have a different problem. I seem to have t-two entrances, d-down there.” Loki knew he was turning red. Embarrassment fell over him. “I, I never looked closely at my blue form before. But shouldn’t there be only the anus?”

The doctor laughed and that calmed the room a bit. “Maybe where you’re from, it’s different.”

“I grew up on Asgard, but I was taken from Jotunheim, I just don’t…”

“Do you want me to check?”, she asked, already putting her gloves on.

“Y-yes, please.”

She smiled and then asked for Pepper to step outside. After she closed the door the doctor smiled at him. “Could you lift up your bottom a little? I want to touch you as little as possible, for your sake.” Shaking he pushed himself up and the doctor kneeled at the back of the tub. “Now that is really interesting. It seems like everything is like a Human, or probably like an Asgardian, too, there is just a slight difference. You have a vagina too, Loki. I believe your race is equipped to be able to be both mother _and _father to their children. Not that they could create a clone of themselves, but rather to be the mother of some children and father of others.”

Pale, Loki slipped back into the water. “They violated me, they raped me. What if they, what if they…”

“Raped your female side?”

“Yes.”

“If you want to know if you’re pregnant, I can’t check that here. As you probably urinate from your male side and both are probably not connected.”

“And if I am? P-Pregnant?”

“I could take it out. Again, not here.”

“Where?”, he asked, scared.

“Xavier’s School for gifted youngsters.”

“But I can’t leave here.”

“Fury tasked Mister Stark with protecting you, right?”

“I believe so.”

“I’m going to go and speak to him, explain the situation. Not in detail, I promise, and hope he and Fury can come to an understanding.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s just what I do. And when you get out there, after you are dressed, don’t worry about the young man I brought, he wouldn’t harm a fly. And I told him to stay away from you, as far as you need him to.”

“Okay.”

She patted his hand, took her things and walked out of the room. In turn, Pepper came back in and smiled. “Clear up everything?”

“Yes. Am I done cleaning?”

“I’m just going to wash your hair and then we’re done, Loki.”

He handed her the sponge, before leaning forward, gathering his legs between his arms. “Will you tell Tony?”

“It’s not my place, Loki”, she answered, while softly washing his long ebony hair.

In silence, she washed him and helped him dry himself, before he dressed himself in fresh clothing and she braided his hair the same way, Loki had worn it all those years ago in the hospital. When they got out of the bathroom, chains attached again, Jean was not back yet and Natasha seemed to suspiciously watch a small man that was crouching on the other side of the room.

“You’re blue”, Loki noticed, and the man sprang up, his tail wiggled delighted.

“You are, too.”

Loki smiled a bit. “I am Loki.”

“And I am Kurt Wagner. Or _Kurt Wagner_, if you are German.”

“_Kurt Wagner_… I am not German, but it sounds a lot more… _Normal_.” [normal (duh)]

Kurt clapped his hands. “You can speak _die deutsche Sprache_?” [the German language]

“_Natürlich_. I was not just in America and Britain in all the times I came here.” [Obviously/Naturally]

Pepper and Natasha watched them, seemingly confused by the whole ordeal. But they all got distracted when the door opened, and Tony and the doctor came back in.

“Three red-heads and two blue men, to believe I have not walked in on one of the strangest movie-sets", Tony murmured, and Loki chuckled. “Are you better, Loki?”

“Much. I assume, you woke me?”

“Yeah, I’m really sorry about that, didn’t think about that, you seemed fine yesterday.”

“I believe, I must talk to, Fury, he is called, right?”

“Eyepatch man, yeah, that’s Fury. So, you’ve remembered?”

“A bit. But I wish not to tell you at this moment. I wish for the doctor to take me to her clinic first.”

“Fury has agreed to that, if I come with.”

“Can you meet us there?”, Kurt suddenly said and offered Loki his hand with a small grin that intrigued Loki.

“What do you mean?”

“You have the address, Stark. Fury just told you, to make sure nobody takes his bracelets off”, said the doctor and grabbed Kurt’s shoulder and nodded for Loki to take his hand. With a bright smile he did, and they disappeared with smoke around them, appearing again in a well-lit surgery room.

“You can teleport”, Loki shouted with joy. Kurt grinned, his canine teeth looking like fangs.

“I can.”

“I could too, if I could use my Seiðr, my magic.”

“Tony will be pissed, so do you want to get this over with?”, Jean asked and patted on a table. “Kurt, get the stuff for the ultrasound.”

“On it.” He teleported away and Loki laid down on the table. Jean already put gloves on again and then moved his shirt up.

“Scared?”

“Still excited from teleporting, a bit worried about Tony, and yes, slightly scared.”

“He likes you, right?”, Jean asked, not even flinching, when Kurt appeared again, holding a few devices.

“I like him too. Have for some time now.”

“This will be a bit cold.”

“I don’t mind the cold. I’m a Frost Giant after all.”

“You don’t seem much like a giant, _mein Freund_.” [my friend]

“I guess there is another thing wrong with me then.”

“There is nothing wrong with you, Loki, we’re all different. Some a bit stranger on the outside, some on the inside”, Jean assured him and pressed the transducer on Loki’s stomach. They were silent, while she watched the screen. After a while she nodded. “Yes, you are pregnant, Loki, but this couldn’t have been in the last week, the ultrasound wouldn’t be able to detect a foetus that early on. This was just the easiest test out of all the ones available.”

“C-can you take it out?”

“Yes. Right away. Would you mind if Kurt assisted?”

“He can assist, Kurt is nice.”

“Alright, then we will put you under right away. Tony will see you, once you wake up. Do you want us to find out who, or what, impregnated you?”

“If you are able to, yes.”

“Alright. And Loki…” She put a clear mask over his face. “You are always welcome at Xavier’s School for gifted youngsters.”

“But I am not a youngster”, Loki mumbled, “I am over a thousand years old.” Jean and Kurt looked at each other a bit surprised and then chuckled. Loki smiled too. He liked this place.

When Loki woke up, the sun shone brightly outside. For a moment he thought to have dreamed everything, that it was still 2009, but a look to his hands made him realise that it did happen. That he was Jötunn, he had destroyed at least parts of New York and he had been pregnant. He tilted his head to look at Tony who was laying sideways on an armchair.

“You really cannot sit on those chairs like they were intended to be sat on, can you?”

Tony smiled at him. “And you can’t help but end up in hospitals every time I touch you.”

“I guess that would be called abuse, Tony.”

“I never tried to hurt you.”

“I know, Tony.”

“Do you like this place?”

“I might feel a bit more welcome, yes. But I like being with you, too.”

“Then please, tell me why you ran, the first chance you had?”

“I was intrigued. Did you yourself not once grab another man’s hand without knowing exactly what was going to happen, if you did?”, he asked, a smirk on his face.

Tony grinned. “You know I did, Lokes.”

“See, we’re the same, you and I”, he answered, remembering what Tony had told him years ago.

“But I wished you would have grabbed my hand.”

“All in good time.”

“You promise?”

“One day you’ll hold out your hand and I’ll take it. So be careful in choosing the right time, I might only do it once.”

Tony chuckled and then asked: “Will you tell me, why they had to operate?”

“Only if you sit next to me, I don’t want the whole world to know.” Loki sat up and patted next to himself on the bed. When Tony relaxed next to him, Loki stopped him from speaking by putting a finger on Tony’s half-opened mouth. “You will listen, until I am done, okay?” Hurried Tony nodded and Loki took a deep breath and moved his finger away. A little spark had been in Tony’s eyes, as he nodded, Loki had to remember that.

“I was pregnant… I was pregnant and they took the foetus out… I did not even know I had female parts until I washed myself in the bath. Jean said, I couldn’t have become pregnant within the week, so the agents are not the perpetrators. But they could have been. They raped me, abused me, tortured me. Used me as their toy, I was not considered to have a valued life. But it wasn’t only on earth. While I was in space, too. They ripped me apart and put me back together, broke me and my mind, they broke me in. At the end, I can only assume, I must have been nothing but a lifeless vessel. I couldn’t heal in space; I don’t even know how I survived the trip to Earth. I don’t want to be hurt again, so please, be gentle with me, don’t scare me. And if I have another breakdown like this morning or night, please make sure a woman is there to wake me.”

Loki looked to Tony and then smiled slightly. “I’m done.”

Tony breathed heavily. “Okay, first of all, wow. Rape and torture, definitely horrible, even though, I only experienced the later one. Second, that must have been some shock, no wonder you wanted it done as quickly as possible.”

Loki waited for a moment, before asking: “No third?”

“No third.”

“No being shocked that I have female parts, no being disgusted?”

“Why would I? You are still you, Loki. You are still the man I fell in love with, all those years ago.”

Softly Loki caressed Tony’s face. “Thank you.”

“I love you, Lokes.”

“And I love you, Anthony Edward Stark.” He grabbed Tony’s face and pulled him in for a kiss. Grateful for his kindness, Loki curled up in his arms.

When someone knocked on the door, Loki didn’t bother letting go of Tony, he just looked up, when Tony asked: “Yes?”

A man, sitting in a wheelchair came in. “Hello Loki. Stark… I am Charles Xavier.”

“Then this must be your place.”

“It is, Loki.”

“I am very thankful, that you allowed Doctor Grey to help me.”

“Well, we help people in need, especially those, that nobody else is willing to help.”

“And you decided to help a felon.”

Charles just smiled. “I don’t think you’ll harm anyone, right Loki?”

Loki looked at him, studied him. “You can read minds.”

“Yes. And you are incredibly smart, having learnt so much, not only in Asgard’s libraries. Can I ask you something?”

“Always, even if I wouldn’t answer you, at this second I could not prevent you from picking the answer right out of my head.”

“Why did you not go with Thor?”

Loki slowly sat up, thinking. “The prisons on Asgard are not exactly as hospitable as the option to stay with Anthony.”

“So not because you feared your own death?”

“Here at least, I have the option to prove I was not in full control.”

“And on Asgard, Odin already made up his mind? Oh, he made your son kill his brother, before poisoning your wife and killed the other son himself, while you could not return to Asgard, three years ago. Of course. One son left, that he uses as his horse, but at least he is still alive. Your mother. What does she have to do with this?”

Pale, Loki got on his feet, staggered to the bathroom and threw up.

“Oh, I see, you hope she protects your unwanted son from the anger of your father, after he could not get his hands on you.” Loki felt his anger rising. “There you are Loki; your family is a trigger. Good to know.”

Wiping his mouth, Loki walked in front of Charles. “You can be very happy that I cannot use my magic, cripple. You would not win this battle. How would you feel if someone were to dig around in your head?”

“Do you realise you have your father’s anger?”

“The only thing I know is that, when triggered, it does not matter that I am Jötunn, I have just as much power as an Æsir.”

“But would you kill me? Do you want to kill me at this moment?” Loki hesitated. “See, I knew you would not. Thank you, Loki.” Charles smiled and left the panting Loki staring at the door, that closed behind him.

“Lokes?”

“What?!” Loki turned around and shot Tony a furious look. “What do you want, Tony? Do you want me to apologise? Do you want me to return back into my soft form or do you see now, for what I really am? A cruel old man, with grudges, the size of Yggdrasil?”

“I know you are neither of the two, Loki. Not a soft, cuddly baby, nor a cruel old man. You have been wronged, you have been hurt and you are still standing strong. You are angry, a miserable, mournful thousand-year-old man, whose only happiness is playing tricks on people. A man, who thought he knew that he was unbreakable, but now has to live with the fact, that he is not all-powerful, all-knowing, but just a normal thousand-year-old sorcerer, that fell into a trap, he had not anticipated.”

“Shut up!”, Loki screamed and slammed his fist into the wall.

Without a warning, Kurt was standing between them, staring at Loki, worried. “My dear _Freund_, Loki, what have the walls done to you?”

“Nothing”, Loki answered and continued to stare at Tony, as he asked: “Did the surgery go well?”

“Of course. You are all back to normal, Well, your normal, at least”, Kurt told him.

“Nothing is normal here. I expect you came by car, Anthony?”

“Yes. Happy is waiting outside. Do you plan on taking the fast trip back?”

“No.” Loki turned around and walked out of the door, his chains clinging with every step. It took him some time to orient himself and then walked down the hall, ignoring the strange looks from the students he was getting. It did not take Kurt long to teleport back at his side.

“Is everything alright, _Freund_?”

“Just an argument, _Kurt_, do not worry about it.”

“But lovers should never fight.”

“Then how do they solve problems? They have fought for centuries, argue, hurt each other. Some even fight, because that is what they love to do, it is like a sport.”

“But this is not a friendly fight.”

“Yeah? Well, I’m not the friendliest person, Kurt. Is this the right way?”

“Oh. Yes.”

Loki almost felt sorry for the little man, who seemed so glum at the moment. “Tony and I will be fine, I was just in rage, _mein Freund_, I am sorry you had to see me that way.”

They walked in silence, until they reached the front door. From the distance, Loki could see Happy walking around nervously in front of the car. Loki took a few deep breaths and then sent Kurt a small smile, who smiled back and then disappeared within a cloud of smoke. Loki took another breath and walked towards the car.

“Happy.”

Surprised the man turned around and looked at him up and down. “Loki?” Loki nodded, not bothering with a smile and taking a step back, when Happy tried to hug him. “Where is Tony?”

“We had a fight. I suspect he is on his way.”

“Don’t you love each other?” Naturally, Happy knew.

“Even lovers fight. I am short-tempered.” Loki opened the car door and sat on the seat behind the driver, before buckling up. He watched as Tony was walking out of the school.

Tony looked to Happy, who told him, that Loki had already arrived. “Of course, he has. Let’s go.”

Loki turned to the window, when Tony sat down on the other side of the isle and buckled up. The nearer they came to the tower, the bigger the destruction was, that Loki saw. That was him? The army? Loki hated it, the thought of him inflicting such destruction. And at the same time, he felt with all of them, knowing why they might not be too keen to believe, he had not wanted such destruction.

Suddenly they crashed. It took a few seconds for Loki to orient himself. Tony was bleeding, Happy had passed out, also heavily bleeding, while people beat and shot up the car.

“Go back home, mutie, we don’t want your help”, they screamed. Quickly Loki unbuckled and did the same for Happy, pulling him in the backseat.

“Tony? Tony!”

Tony seemed awake, but in shock. Silently Loki cursed, before stepping outside and closing the door behind himself. For a second the men seemed confused, mostly because of him being chained, but then turned to him. Loki punched the first in the stomach, knocked the second out with his head, before the third one tried to jump him to hold him down. Swiftly Loki ducked, wrapping the chains around the last guys throat.

“Beg”, he hissed in the man’s ear, “Beg for your life, I am really not in a good mood.” The first and the third man got back up, pulling out their guns.

“Let him go, Loki!” The shout of his name confused Loki and he looked to Tony right in the moment that one of the guys shot his lover.

“Tony!” Loki unwrapped the chains and threw the man at the other two. As quick as he could, he came to his knees at Tony’s side, who was spitting blood. “Kurt! Kurt, I need you!” It only took the blue mutant a moment to get there. “T-Take Happy first!”

Kurt jumped in the car, grabbed the unconscious man and disappeared as quick as he came. Loki pulled Tony onto his lap. Then he heard Kurt again, who now grabbed him and Tony and pulled them back to the school.

“Tony, Tony!”, Loki searched his jacket for the key and quickly freed himself of the shackles. He needed to concentrate a bit, before casting a healing spell, something was wrong with his Seiðr. “Come on, Tony.” With one hand he healed him, with the other he used his Seiðr to pull out the bullet. “Come on, Tony, don’t die on me.”

“Loki”, he softly heard Tony’s voice.

The bullet fell to the floor and Loki focused on the healing again. “I cannot lose you, Tony, I just can’t.”

“Loki?”, a man asked behind him, “What are you doing?”

“Healing, are you good, Happy?”

“A bit scratched up.”

“Come here. I can give you a bit.”

Happy kneeled down on the other side of Tony and Loki held his left out in front of him, letting his healing flow inside the other man. “Is he going to be fine?”

Loki took his hand back and scanned over Tony. “Sweetheart, come on, everything is okay now, you’re safe.” He stopped healing and looked to the cuffs. He cursed again and begun putting them on again. “See, honey, nothing happened. We never left, we’re still right here, I’m still in chains, like you want me, like you need me to be. Nothing happened.” He picked up Tony and rocked him back and forth. “Nothing happened.”

Loki stared against the wall, before looking around the room, where not just Kurt, Jean and Charles were, but several others. He didn’t even notice Tony touching his chin, until he whispered: “You saved me. Again.”

“Nothing happened, I’m still in chains.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t lie.”

“But…” Loki teared up. “You had to make sure, I don’t take my cuffs off. I did not, see, I still got them on.”

“Loki…”

“Please. Believe that. Don’t let Fury take me from you.”

“You can’t just lie, Lokes.”

“Loki”, Charles spoke up, “Why did you ask Kurt to save Mister Hogan first?”

“He was innocent. And unconscious.”

“Good. And why did you save Mister Stark?”

“Because… Because I love him”, Loki answered crying.

“And why put the cuffs back on, not teleport away?”

“Running is weak.”

Tony laughed at that. “Of course. That’s why you put them back on. Honey, you can’t just strangle people.”

“I had to defend you!”

“You could have died. If one of them would have shot you and I wouldn’t have gotten to _you_ in time, you would have died.”

“And is that really so bad? I did destroy a lot of New York. The destroyer of New York, dead.”

Abruptly Tony sat up and slapped him. “Are you crazy? We talked about this. Yesterday!”

Loki smiled helplessly. “I have lived a long life, Tony, if I die protecting someone I care about, so be it.”

Tony hit him against his hard chest with both of his fists. “Never, ever, put your life in danger again, do you understand?”

Loki looked down and let his smile fall. “Yes.”

Tony grabbed the key Loki had forgotten to put back and then removed the chains from the cuffs. “Definitely too dangerous for other people.” He grabbed the chain between Loki’s feet, yanking Loki to lay on his back and removed that chain too, with a grin. “Don’t want to give you any chances here.”

_‘Submissive **and** dominant, oh Tony, you are full of surprises.’_ “And you should probably hide the key better, darling”, Loki said with a soft groan.

“To die next time around? I don’t think so.” Tony looked around and snickered, only now really grasping how many people were around. “Hi. Sorry for being teleported in here and crashing your party.”

“Jean, would you please call Director Fury? Kurt, you can tell him what you saw, everyone else can please leave our guests.” Charles sent Loki a soft smile before driving out after his students.

Tony turned to Happy and pulled him in for a hug. “You fine, buddy?”

“Yes, Boss.”

“Don’t _Boss_ me.”

“I’m fine, Tony.”

“I’m fine, too, by the way. Even though you let me fall headfirst to the floor, Tony”, Loki shot in.

“That was for lying to me.”

Loki softly grabbed Tony’s hand. “You sure it wasn’t for anything else?” Slowly he pulled the hand to his lips and kissed it.

“You’re impossible.”

“Oh, I am very much possible, darling.” Loki grinned and that earned a smirk from Tony.

“Are we good?”

“I was going to ask _you_ that. I freaked and punished you for it.”

“Then I would say we’re working on being good, but we’re fine.”

“Oh, you darling are more than fine.” Tony smiled brightly and Happy cleared his throat behind Tony.

“You two would be the only two people in the entire universe that could go from almost dying to flirting in a few seconds.”

“Oh, we would do more than flirting, if you weren’t here, Happy”, Tony answered, and Loki sat up.

“Are you so sure about that?”

“I’m damn sure about that.”

“Then I’m afraid that I will have to disappoint you. You won’t get me in your bed just yet.”

“That’s not what I… That’s not what I fucking meant, and you know that, Loki.”

Loki grinned. “Have I infested your mind again?”

“I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

“Oh, I hope you will.”

Sighing, Happy got on his feet and Tony and Loki followed him quickly after that. Tony and Loki looked at each other and a smirk shimmered on the taller man’s face.

“At least you’re having fun again”, Tony said quietly and hugged him.

Loki exhaled warmly and laid his head against Tony’s shoulder. “I am deeply sorry for ruining a nice afternoon.”

“It hasn’t ended yet.”

“I wish to just go home and hold you until the day has ended then. Not talking, just holding. So, I know you’re safe.”

“You know I have a job, right?”

“Yes. You will have to leave me, when we get home.”

“I love, how you call it home.”

“If you let me call it that, I’ll be glad.”

“You can. What’s mine is yours.”

“It’s not, but I appreciate the thought.”

Quickly Tony kissed Loki’s cheek, which made Loki hold on tighter. For a while they stood like that, as if that would stop the world from turning, as if that’s all they had left.

“Stark?” Slowly Loki let go of his partner, looking at the ground, while Tony stepped around him, towards Fury. “I see you’re fine.”

“I would not have been, if Loki wouldn’t have healed me.”

“There was a doctor here. And he should have never gotten out of the car.”

“We were stuck there. They would have shot up the car. Happy was unconscious, I was… not fully there and Loki saved us.”

“And what provoked the attack?”

“Him being blue? They thought he was a mutant, from what I could gather.”

“Because you came from this place.”

“Is that not allowed? Everyone here except Loki is a Human.”

Sighing Loki stepped around. “I should not have gotten out and I should have definitely not have attacked them. If there are consequences, I shall accept them.”

“I don’t think you should, Loki”, Charles said while rolling into the room. “Director Fury, if I may. These three men were attacked, and Loki bought them time. He would not have killed the attackers, even though they would not have hesitated to do just that to Loki and the other passengers. This might be weird for you to accept, but even though Loki did kill while being controlled, the uncontrolled Loki could be much more deadly, yet he won’t. He used to think of Humans as weak, but he doesn’t think that their lives are not worth being lived, in fact, he is amazed what Humans can do within such a short life, compared to his own.”

“And that means?”

“Loki may be a trickster, but he would never kill the innocent and he will only kill his attackers, if his or his partners’ death is not just possible, but imminent.”

“I feel like I cannot apologise enough, now that I have seen the destruction. If you would allow me, I wish to help with the rebuild, but I can understand that you would not want me anywhere near the city. Then I shall not stay here, but please, I beg you, Sir, please don’t let the agents have at me again, I am still not fully healed from last time.” Fury looked from Loki back to Charles.

“What he means by the last part is, that they not only tortured him, but also raped him, which has severely traumatised Loki, even though it happened to him before he came to earth, too, much crueller than you could ever imagine. This also was the reason he had to be brought here in the first place. He was with child.”

Fury stared at Loki then looked to Tony and after that back to Charles. “That can happen?”

“With my race, yes. I learned today that Frost Giants are equipped to act as both man and woman in a relationship with the creation of younglings.”

“Interesting fact.”

“So where will I be held?”

“Definitely not within S.H.I.E.L.D., Stark, can you keep him safe?”

“In the tower? I would think so, but do you want me to keep him safe or the whole world _from_ him?”

“If I gather anything from this, then him from the world.”

“Alright. But we kind of need a ride. Ours is somewhere on the way from here to the tower crashed and probably already raided.”

“I have a helicopter.”

“Fantastic, but umm, I’d rather have Kurt take him back, just to be safe, would that be alright, Mister Xavier?”

“I am sure he would love to do that.”

As if he was commanded, Kurt appeared next to Charles. “Shall I take you home, _mein Freund_?”

Loki nodded and spoke, while Kurt laid his hand on his shoulder: “See you… there.” His last word was said to an empty room, his prison.

“I will see you around, Loki.”

Without waiting for a goodbye, Kurt disappeared again, leaving Loki to feel alone in the room. It was colder. Not that it bothered Loki, but he still noticed. The only thing that really bothered him about this room was its plainness. White on white on white. He guessed that he probably was the only colourful thing in the room, and he was probably right.

On Asgard, it would have probably been similar, but there he could at least be amused by the other prisoners. Or actually see what was going on outside his prison. Sighing Loki sat down on the bed, realising that he hadn’t eaten anything since he tried to kill himself. A quick look around told him, that the pizza he now craved, wasn’t there anymore. Sighing he pulled the sheets up. He would be fine; he had gone much longer without food. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, perhaps later there would be food. Perhaps not.

In the time Loki tried to fall asleep, a few people walked into his cell and left again, before Loki could grunt and look to see who it was. He was sure they walked in on purpose, keeping him awake. By the time Tony walked in, he had almost fallen asleep three times and was now a lot grumpier than he wished he was.

“Hey Lokes, you want some cake?”

“I want to sleep, why can’t you just let me sleep?”

“You haven’t eaten anything in the last 24 hours.”

Loki peered one of his eyes open. “What kind of cake?”

“Uhm, chocolate, I believe.”

“You believe? You didn’t buy it yourself?” He closed his eyes again.

“It kind of got late. Pepper bought it.”

“She’s not your assistant anymore, Tony.”

“I thought you’d like it, if she picked it out.”

“I’d like it more, if you would.”

“Come on, I can’t do everything.”

“Feed me.”

“What?”

Loki opened his eyes slightly, looking right into Tony’s eyes, who was kneeling in front of the bed. “Feed me and I might forgive you.”

Tony grinned. “Your wish is my command, Princess.”

Loki hissed at him and Tony chuckled, before opening the package. Carefully he picked up some cake with his fork and expectantly Loki opened his mouth. Tony giggled again, before shoving it slowly inside. It was sweet, Loki decided and sat up in the bed, before swallowing.

“More”, he said, demanding. With a smile, Tony sat down on the bed and fed the hungry Frost Giant, one fork-full at a time.

“You full now, sweetheart?”, Tony asked after Loki had eaten the whole cake.

“I’ll live. And so, shall you.”

Tony grinned and gave Loki a kiss on the cheek. “Goodnight then, Princess.” The little game was over.

“Is there the possibility of more comfortable clothes? I do not like sleeping in heavy clothes.”

“You haven’t checked your dresser?”

“I did not spot one.”

Tony laughed. “Get up, I’ll show you. And I should really get your measurements, so I can get you more fitted clothes.”

“Do you have a measuring tape with you?”

“J.A.R.V.I.S. do I have measuring tape in the house?”

“Not for measuring bodies, sir, do you want me to order one?”, a robotic voice asked, which made Loki look around in confusion.

“Yes, please.”

“W-What was that?”

“Oh, you mean J.A.R.V.I.S.? He’s my A.I., artificial intelligence. It’s short for: just a rather very intelligent system. Or if you want, Jarvis is named after my butler.”

“So, he’s in your walls?”

“Yeah. You can ask him anything.”

“Umm… J.A.R.V.I.S.?”

“Yes, Mister Odinson?” That stung for Loki.

“It’s actually Laufeyson, but I’d rather be called Loki.”

“Okay, Loki. What can I do for you?”

“Umm… How is the weather?”

Tony laughed, even before J.A.R.V.I.S. answered: “At the moment there is a mild rain outside, Loki.”

“Okay. Thank you, J.A.R.V.I.S.”, Loki said with a smile, before shooting Tony a deadly look. “You put me on a spot, Anthony.”

“Oh, come on, not this again.”

Loki took a step forward, so near that they could barely fit a piece of paper in between themselves. He towered over him, looking down with a grim look. “Beg”, he breathed.

Tony flushed under him. “Damn, you’re hot.”

Sighing Loki stepped away. “Now, where is this dresser, Anthony?”

Grunting Tony led him into the bathroom and pointed to something that didn’t seem bigger than a small cupboard. “Here you go, Your Highness.”

“Prince. If you insist on making royally remarks, it’s prince. For both me and Thor.”

“_My_ Prince.”

“Over the time we will determine if I shall be yours. If I shall be more than _your_ prisoner.”

“Loki, you know that you mean more than that to me!”

Loki walked over to the dresser and opened it, picking out something that looked like nightwear. “Are you sure, that you mean more to me?”, he almost whispered, before removing his shirt.

“I’m pretty sure, you told me, you… holy shit!” With a raised brow, Loki turned around. “Your back, Loki, and your front, too! How did Pepper not tell me about this?”

“Perhaps because it is not your place?” Loki stretched and watched his body in the mirror. Not only was he covered with tribal marks and two small horns below his hairline, but with cuts and bruises too. “I still think I look acceptable.”

“For a dead man maybe.”

“For the aftermath of a proper battle.”

“So, we battled you good?”

“Take it as a compliment then. Although I should have healed by now, if I had had my magic.”

“But you had your cuffs off today.”

“With barely enough time to focus my healing on you and Happy.”

“Is that anger?”

“The longer I have these on, the longer it will take me to gather my power to perform another spell. Next time I might not be able to save you as quickly. It suppresses my power to the point, I might not even be able to reach it, because in the end, that is what father desires. Me without power.”

“I-I didn’t know, I thought it would click right into place, after we take them off.” Tony attempted to make a step towards Loki, hand on his front pocket, but Loki took another step back.

“You should not deny your team’s wishes.”

“But… Loki.”

“It is my punishment, not yours. After all, I am a threat to you and your people.”

“I give a shit about _my_ people, if it means keeping you as perfect as you are. _With_ powers.”

“I will not argue. Now, let me change, Anthony.”

He softly pushed the inventor out of the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He could not lock it, for obvious reasons. As swiftly as possible for him in this position, he switched into the nightwear and went to the toilet, before eventually brushing his teeth and taking another look in the mirror. The bruises made him look older, but he found, that it suited his age. With a soft touch he felt over the marks, having shivers run down his arms. Incredible how sensitive they made him, he thought to himself. He picked up his day-clothes and folded them neatly before putting them down on the dresser and leaving the bathroom.

“You’re still here”, he commented on the man who sat with folded hands on the bed.

“Are we still fighting?”

Those words surprised Loki a bit. “I do not think that we timed this well.”

“I didn’t time anything.”

“Then who made advances on me?”

“You allowed it.”

“How could I not? It’s been so long since I’ve been touched, since I have felt loved.”

“Then push me away and don’t whisper your love to me.”

“I never said I didn’t love you, Anthony. I just questioned if you truly know me as well as you claim.”

“So, you love me?”

“Why do you need this? This conformation, that I indeed do? You are loved. All around you, people love you, why is it that you need me to tell you in words and not accept actions as such?”

“Because I need to know. I need to know from you.”

“I do not owe you an answer, Anthony. Not for this.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Then so do you.”

“For what?”

“I told you, I’d come back. If you loved me, why go out with Pepper at all?”

“How was I supposed to know, if you’d come back?”

“Trust?”

“I don’t trust easily.”

“And don’t trust me at all. So why pretend to love me?”

“But I do.”

“You don’t.”

“So, what, I should have grown old, grown grey, in hope, one day you’d show up again?”

“You should have lived your life with Pepper. You should have loved her to your very last day. I will outlive you, if Odin will not kill you even sooner, when he finds how much you mean to me, like he did my wife.”

There it is. Tony’s fist in his face. Loki could have easily stepped aside, but he only closed his eyes, before it landed on his cheek. He deserved it. He had provoked it. He needed to know, somehow. He needed to know, what Tony would do, when confronted with that.

“You will die, and I won’t look like I’ve aged a day.”

“Stop it.” Tony tried to shove him away, burying his fists in Loki’s chest.

“Do you really want that, waste your life on me?”

That, Tony did not answer. Instead, Loki heard him leave. Silently Loki started to cry. It was for the best. No matter how much he loved him, at every stop Tony would question him. He did not want to question the other, too. He had not. But he did not want Tony to plan his life with Loki, pretending they’d grow old together. That would not happen, at least not right now, as long as Loki was an outcast. There were ways, he knew, to make a life significantly longer, but he did not want to give himself or Tony hope, when he knew it was very easy for his father to still slay him. What did it matter if he actually figured out a way to manipulate his or his own life, when it was still in danger of getting ended by Odin or anybody else?

Loki couldn’t sleep that night. Every time he was about to fall asleep, he heard his mother ask, why he hadn’t fought for his love. Every time, he hated himself more. He knew he could never explain his actions, maybe with the fact that he was a bitter old man, but then again, he only was that compared to Tony. He wasn’t exactly sure, how old Tony was, but at his age, Loki had probably still run around with no thought of his life ever ending. He hadn’t achieved anything. He hadn’t even been in a proper fight yet, other than with his brother maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 29.09.2019: fixing mistakes, jay... and adding some translations for the non-German-speaking readers  
edit 16.12.2019: this chapter is freaking long! We've got: capital letters, commas, confused, Æsir, nicknames, save/safe


	3. May 9

The next morning Loki found himself waking up, dripping in sweat and a sore throat, from screaming as loudly as he did. It took him a while to orient himself, figure out where he was. For a moment he found himself whispering his brother’s name, while looking at the blond man in the room, till he noticed it had never been him. Natasha was sitting at his side, a hand on his shoulder, but he couldn’t stop staring at the man, trying to remember his name.

“Steve?”, he asked, wondering if that had been his name.

“Yes?”, the man asked back and Loki sighed relieved.

“I was just wondering if I had the name correct. Thank you.”

“Uhm, no problem, is everything alright?”

“Yes… Maybe… No, do not worry, it does not become you.”

Steve chuckled. “Do you remember more?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll let Fury know, you’ll talk to him, right?”

“I shall, yes.”

“Pepper is on her way, does anyone know where Tony is?”

“I suspect he won’t come to see me for a while”, Loki answered, shifting out of Natasha’s grip, who in turn got up and proceeded to stand next to the smaller dark-haired man without glasses. Did he know his name? Hear it sometime? He had been with him. Barton, Agent Barton.

“Why?”, Steve proceeded to ask.

“I made sure, he wouldn’t get too close to me, isn’t that what should be?”

They all looked at each other confused.

“I’ll talk to Tony”, Natasha said then, “You go ahead and call Fury, Clint you good with keeping an eye on Loki?”

“I’ll watch him like a hawk.”

Somehow that got a light chuckle from both Steve and Natasha, before they left Loki alone with the man.

“May I go to use the washroom?”, Loki asked after some time.

Clint stared at him, possibly wondering about his words. “Sure, go ahead, don’t want your bladder to fail you again.”

“Thank you.”

Loki got up and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind himself. He had fought with Tony in this room. He quickly did his business and stopped after washing his hands. He looked miserable in the mirror. He proceeded to wash his face, but his blue skin was still unhealthily pale. It even had a slight green tint to it, the colour Loki so loved. On his skin it was probably not that good.

He even washed his horns, even if they pained him slightly. He hated his eyes, ruby-red, reminding him of how much Tony had liked them. But of course, Tony had liked everything about him, at least physically. Maybe it had been just that, a physical attraction. It had probably just been that. Tony and Loki had hardly spent any time getting to know each other more than that. But what was there to know? Tony knew so much about Loki, but Loki barely had any more than a small summary of Tony’s life, mostly explained by Pepper.

He wanted to know, he wanted to know more than he could comprehend. Even if he had driven him away, he had not stopped liking this man and he hated that he did not really know him. He would always say that he did indeed know Tony, intimately at that, after all, spending time in his body, he had to know him, right? He knew his quirks, he had to, but oddly enough Loki had not felt much different while being in Tony’s body.

“Hey buddy, you drowning yourself in there?”

Loki sighed loudly, washed his face once more, before drying it and then walking out of the bathroom. “No, Barton, I have not proceeded to try to kill myself, again.” He sat down on the bed and looked at the man. “I am very sorry for… well, controlling you.”

Clint shifted on his feet. “Yeah, umm, thanks, but wasn’t you, right?”

“It was me, Barton, I may not have been in control myself, but it was still me.”

“But you’ve been controlled much longer.”

“That I have, Barton.”

“You should call me Clint or Clinton. Barton just kind of freaks me out, coming from you.”

“Alright, Clinton then, I wish not to go informal.”

“Oh, right, then you’ll have to call Steve ‘Steven Grant’ and Natasha ‘Natalia Alianovna’.”

“But they prefer the other names?”

“Yeah, definitely. And I prefer Clint.”

“I did not know; I will call you Clint then. I would rather go informal, then have you all hate me.”

Clint chuckled. “That sounds so much different than like you were, that it actually calms me.”

Loki smiled a little. “Alright then.” They were silent for a while, before Loki asked: “When did I come to Earth again?”

“Uhm, a little over a week ago, May 1, Hulk knocked you out on May 4, now it’s May 9.”

“May 1, really?” Loki laughed at that.

“What?”

“I _left_ on May 1. 2009 though.”

Clint grinned. “Must have been weird for Tony, knowing you left exactly three years ago on that day.”

“He had probably tried to forget me. And then that day comes around, the day he escaped, exactly three years had passed. And there came an attacker to Earth, who had to know how special that day was for him. But he didn’t.”

“Do you think they poked around in your brain and decided on that day?”

“It is possible. Actually, it is probable.”

“So, they wanted Tony to take notice then.”

“I would guess. I have not remembered that yet.”

“But if you do?”

“I’ll tell Fury.”

“Not Tony?”

“Anthony and I are not on speaking terms at the moment, I had already told Steve that.”

“Yeah, but how come?”

“Reasons I wish not to convey to you. If you need to know, of course, I will tell you.”

“No, I guess it’s alright. If it had something to do with the Avengers, you’d say so, right?”

“Avengers?”

“Tony, Steve, Bruce, Nat, Thor, me? The Avengers.”

“With you all, no.”

“But you’d tell us, if it had something to do with us?”

“Certainly.”

“All right then.”

They waited in silence again. At least ten minutes passed, before the door opened again and Natasha came into the room.

“How are my two favourite brainwashed people?”

“Depends, Nat, which one is your favourite?”

“Definitely Loki. He’s a prince.”

Loki grinned at the sarcasm.

“So, what did Tony say?”, Clint asked.

“He said, he wasn’t interested in knowing what Loki is up to. I guess, we have to take care of him now.”

“I guess, I deserve that” Loki answered and brought a small smile onto his face.

“Whatever it is, he’ll get over it”, Natasha tried to assure him.

“I don’t want him to. At least, not yet. He needs to see me for who I am.”

“Well, I will go and get us some breakfast, do you want a sandwich or two, Nat, Loki?”

“I’ll take two, you know which ones. Loki?”

“I will take two then, too, you can decide.”

When Fury came by, Loki was already done with one of his sandwiches. It was delicious. He hadn’t known how much he had craved solid food.

“Damn, you get Subway here?”

“Uhm…” Fury pointed to the wrapper where the name of the food chain is printed on. “Apparently. Do you want some too? I am sure, they can get you one.”

“Nah, Thanks, Loki, I had breakfast on the way here.”

“Helicopter again?”

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

“Lucky guess.”

“So, tell me. What did you dream about?”

Loki told him. He told him about the fall, the torture, the big, bad, violet, Titan Thanos and his disciple ‘The Other’, he told him how the Chitauri, mindless beasts that were tasked with torturing him, cutting him open. He told Fury how he could not use his powers in the void, the healing still worked at the beginning, but beyond that, he had nothing, he had tried teleporting, but it was no use, he could not get out of their grasp.

Loki had still not remembered much more than the task of him taking the Tesseract and opening a portal to let the Chitauri through. He did not know how he got to Earth, and he had only remembered talking to Barton at the place they had worked at. He had remembered portions of the battle in New York, speaking with Tony in the tower for one, although it felt weird, hearing himself talk to a person he had met, as if they did not know each other at all.

And then he remembered the agents. Taking turns with torturing him and using him. One thing he found unusual was the thing they whispered to each other: ‘Hail Hydra’. He could not tell Fury though, who they were, because he had been blindfolded. He had also been gagged to keep his screams from coming out.

Fury’s face had darkened at the words of the agents and he made Loki promise to not tell a soul that, until he had figured out what was going on.

“So, Loki, you can write in a language nobody here can read, right?”

“Like Latin?”

“Like uhm… Asgardian?”

“Certainly, but why would I?”

“I want you to keep a journal on the things you remember. I can’t always jump. But I don’t want anyone to be able to read it.”

“Then I shall mix in some ancient languages as well.”

“That would work.”

“And I’ll make sure none of them have ever been recorded on Earth.”

“Somehow it should scare me to know that you have so much knowledge.”

“It’s a curse.”

“What would you, with all your knowledge, think Thanos wants?”

“I can only suspect.”

“And what do you suspect?”

“I cannot tell. But I can give advice. But I don’t think you’ll take it, your trust in me is very limited.”

“Why can’t you tell me?”

“The knowledge of a millennium is more than you can grasp. And I am bound by Asgard to conceal certain things from you.”

“Then what advice can you give me?”

“Keep a close eye in the weapon Thanos has given me. If I am right, and I usually am, it is much more than a simple sceptre.”

Fury groaned a little. “I’ll be back in a week or so, write your journal.”

“Will do, Sir. Once I get one.”

“I bet Stark won’t mind buying a couple dozen journals for his favourite alien.”

Loki smiled lightly and Fury nodded as a goodbye. When Fury closed the door, Loki sighed deeply.

“J.A.R.V.I.S. can you ask Anthony if I could have a journal and possibly a pen to write with?”

“Already done, Loki, do you have any preferences in colours?”

“For the journal? No.”

“For the pen then?”

Loki laughed loudly. “No, J.A.R.V.I.S. but I guess either black or blue will do.”

“Alright. Anything else, Loki?”

“No, thank you, J.A.R.V.I.S.”

With another sigh, Loki grabbed the other sandwich from the bag and bit into it. Why did he miss Tony now more than he had those three years? He had missed Tony back then, too. But not as much as now. Now he knew. He knew how much he screwed up. He didn’t have to go that far and push him away. But could he honestly make Tony believe everything would be alright? He didn’t believe it himself. He had known for a long time, that he could never be with a Human. Their lives just were too short. He had thought, he could look over it this time. It scared him, these feelings. They were new. He had felt lust before, but this was different. He had thought, it would go away over the span of three years.

But then he was back, and Tony was right in front of him. He could have him for just a moment. He shouldn’t have taken him. But Tony had already destroyed what he had with Pepper. He was right there, back in the moment he had pushed Tony away. It was like a do-over. Oh, how foolish he was. It had only taken one person to remind him, why he could never take a lover.

A side-tracked conversation and the moment was over again, they were over again. Oh, how much he hated that. He had screwed up and this time it had not been over a lie. This time, Tony believed him. Had he just kissed him once more and he’d have known, that those words were just in that moment. Yes, he had meant them, but he cared for him. He had been stupid. He pretended that he wanted that. He had convinced himself and he had convinced Tony, too.

One thing though, he could not do, to get him back, was try to kill himself. That would just get annoying over time. He had not actively tried to kill himself yesterday, but he had the day before that. Yesterday he had just been fine with dying. Well, he had always been fine with that, but apparently Tony had not known that. How could he? He did not know his life’s story. All the cruel things that he had done and that had been done to him. Aside from dying in battle, dying instead of loved one was a good way, Loki believed. He should have just let it go. He should have stopped thinking about Sigyn and the boys. He could have just lived with him, ignored all the bad karma he surely had. He could have lied to him, could have lived at his side till he died, but for once in his life, he had not immediately gone for the lie.

Now he had to forget, push it away. Maybe Tony would come by and Loki could explain, maybe he could convince both of them. Softly, Loki shook his head at the thought. He couldn’t. And even if he could, this would be hard. He had done hard before; he had done the impossible before. But somehow this seemed impossible at the moment. He didn’t want to convince himself, he wanted to believe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 29.09.2019: still just fixing mistakes, adding words to be more clear...  
edit 16.12.2019: dates, capital letters, commas


	4. Loki’s Journal

**May 10**

I have to write in here now. It has been a while, since I’ve written Journals. So, hello, future-Loki, I hope you learn from my many mistakes.

I know a lot now. I can feel it, every time I close my eyes. The blood leaving my body, the bones crushing, the slashes on my body, the knives, the hammers, I hate it, when I think about the hammers. They didn’t let me recover long. But while I did, while I healed, they rammed themselves in me. I bled, more than once and then they had found the female part. They pushed… things in there, in all my openings. And then they just laughed.

Thanos asked me again and again, if I was ready yet, I don’t know if I ever asked for what. The Other gave me the Sceptre. Of course, Thanos could not be bothered to even get up. He just stared and watched. I don’t think he even commented. He and the Other talked. I wasn’t allowed to hear, I couldn’t even, over my bones breaking.

I felt sick when I got to Earth, I was bound that time, my mind was bound. Fury was there and Barton. He wants me to call him Clint now. The scientist was also there, he opened the door for me, I think. Doctor Selvig was there, too. He was one of Thor’s friends, when he got banished on Earth, I believe. Some other agents were there, too, but they were not all that smart. Clint at least mattered. He had met Thor too, I believe.

There are some parts I haven’t remembered yet. I was in contact with the Other, while Clint and Selvig were working. Clint had gathered recruits. He was really good at that, but I don’t think Fury should know my opinion. Clint is a good guy. He has fought hard to not be bad. He was supposed to kill Natasha once, I looked in his mind, back then. I feared the Other.

We went to Germany. I know because of the writing on the banners. I think I was in that city before, but it has changed a lot. The buildings are taller nowadays. I killed a guy, because we needed his eye for something. I could have just taken him, teleported him there, but no, I had to kill the man. Give the people a show.

I could have made a much better Loki, but _I_ would not have done that. Tony was there and Steve. I think Tony needed a moment to recognise me. I wouldn’t have recognised him at all. I only know now, because he took off the helmet of his armour on the plane. I think, he didn’t want anyone to know that he knew me. After all, he used to be a weapons manufacturer and now he is something different, Pepper said. Thor came to get me. I think he saw through the control at one point.

They put me in a cage. Why hadn’t Thor pulled out the cuffs back then? I couldn’t have escaped then. Clint created a distraction, while I escaped. To be honest, while it was chaotic, that was totally something I would have enjoyed. If it wouldn’t have been on Earth. I should not tell Fury about that either. He would probably not like it.

I liked Tony’s tower. I don’t like however that I had thrown him out of the window. He tried to talk to me, like nothing had happened, like I wasn’t about to destroy the world. I wish he would have gotten through. I threw him out of the window, but he lived, his suit got to him in time.

Then Thor came and tried to talk again, I stabbed him and let myself fall off the building. I tried to fight with the Chitauri, but I failed. Clint made an arrow explode and I was thrown back in the tower. A big green guy threw me around. The Hulk. I know that from Clint’s memories. After that I was kind of there.

They captured me and then gave me to agents. When I was in the van, they put something over my head. In the facility, they stripped me. First, they just tortured me, but then they did more. I was stopped from screaming because of the mask that was part of the set from Asgard. Those get used for very different things there. They were probably the smallest thing Thor could have brought with him. The torture was not as horrible as before. But I did not expect such things from Earth. I was unconscious a lot. But they said those words. They whispered them. _Hail Hydra_. Like It was some secret.

That was everything. I think I’m remembering more often, but that is probably because I fall asleep all the time. I scream, sometimes, other times, I just wake up, drenched in sweat. Talking to J.A.R.V.I.S. helps. When I talk to him, I know I’m in Tony’s tower. I know it is safe.

**May 11**

J.A.R.V.I.S. told me a few things about the team. Natasha was an assassin; Clint is a marksman. They are good friends. Clint is deaf, but he has hearing aids. Bruce is a scientist and he can transform into the Hulk, most times unwanted and Steve is a soldier, who had been injected with a serum and because of that lived through being frozen for seventy years. He fought in World War Two. Tony’s story I knew mostly already. He is a billionaire that developed the ‘Iron Man’ Armor. It is not made from iron though, J.A.R.V.I.S. said, but ‘Sir’ had stuck with the name because it was ‘catchy’.

I think Bruce and Tony will get along well. Clint said, he hopes so, too. Bruce lives in Stark’s tower now. Clint and Natasha don’t, but they all have rooms here, even Thor. Steve still has his own flat; I think he likes his independence. It’s called apartment here. Pepper lives in the tower, too.

I play a lot of games with the team, whenever they come by. I think they are testing me. Sometimes I don’t understand the games, but I learn quickly.

**May 13**

I remembered more. I think I have everything now from before coming to Earth. It was definitely longer than the almost two years that it officially was. J.A.R.V.I.S. was able to tell me, that Thor had been banished at the end of May 2010 and left on the 2nd of June.

Thanos never talked about his plans. The Other told me, that I had to get the Tesseract and once the Chitauri would have defeated Earth, it would be mine to rule. I think he lied.

On Earth, we escaped through a tunnel. There was a female agent that tried to stop us, while the building exploded. Fury was in a helicopter. I shot it down. I guess, he does really like his helicopters.

I made the people in Germany kneel. Why did I put on a show? Why did I want to get captured? Why did I need to be there? I don’t think I’ll understand.

Natasha was on the plane, too. And Thor landed on it and took me from Steve and Tony. They fought and then Tony took Thor away. I watched them fight. They should have known that I wasn’t up to any good, when I didn’t try to run away.

I fought with Natasha; I think she misunderstood me. I tricked Thor. He had underestimated me. I killed Coulson. I think. Somehow, I can still feel his presence. Thor and Coulson knew each other, when Thor was banished.

I killed so many people. The Chitauri killed more. I liked to watch. I shot at a plane. The same one, or same model as the one in Germany. But I only made sure it was unable to fly, I did not destroy it completely.

I could have really needed that drink Tony had offered.

**May 15**

Natasha let me eat a bit of everybody’s food, she said that way they could figure out what I liked and what not. Some things tasted weird, but most samples were amazing. She promised to make the team give me samples of things I have not tasted yet. She called it ‘take-out’.

We played more games. Steve and Bruce like to play the games where one has to be strategic. Clint plays a very different tactic.

We played ‘Monopoly’. Bruce did not play with; he did not explain why. Clint is a sore loser. Natasha won. Clint was sure she cheated.

Pepper came by once; I think she found out that Tony and I are not speaking. She did not address it. She showed me a few dresses on her mobile phone. Apparently, she thought, I had style. I told her all dresses looked amazing and she should wear the one she felt most comfortable. Natasha came in and helped Pepper decide. She went for the ‘sexy’ option.

Steve likes playing chess. I try to let him win sometimes. Bruce saw me doing that and made me play against him. I won every time. He then started to question me. I told him a few things about Earth technology. He asked about the Bifrost, I declined, he was fine with that.

We agreed that I could only share my knowledge of Earth technology and maybe, just maybe if he has a problem with something give him a hint, how others have solved it. He had to come up with it himself though.

**May 18**

Still haven’t gotten any new memories. Fury came by, we went on a trip with the helicopter. Told him everything. I think Hydra is bad. He lied about Coulson being dead. He tried to convince me, but I could see through him.

Tried to check my Seiðr. Did a healing spell. Only felt a light spark. It’s going faster than I thought it would. J.A.R.V.I.S. asked what I was doing. Told him. He said, he could not understand the concept of magic. Played chess with J.A.R.V.I.S., he won.

I miss Thor. Never thought, I would say that, but at least I’d have more to do. I wonder what he’s doing on Asgard. I tried to talk to Heimdall, but he didn’t respond. Could be because of the cuffs though.

Clint and Natasha come by less often, even though they apparently live in the tower now. They said it was cheaper. I think they are bored with me. Asked if they wanted to play Monopoly again, Clint refused. Natasha suggested different games.

I think Steve lives here too, now; I haven’t asked him yet. Bruce and he bring by breakfast. Steve comes by most times, when I wake up screaming. He told me, that things were moving forward with my sentence.

**May 21**

Kurt came by. He said he missed me. I didn’t tell him about me and Tony not talking, tried to evade questions. I don’t think he is actually allowed to visit me.

Steve and I talk a lot. Most times about me. Told him about Odin and Frigga. I don’t know if I should tell him about my children. He said, he wouldn’t read any of the stories there were about Norse Gods. I told him most were wrong anyway.

Asked J.A.R.V.I.S. if he could give me a summary on my life according to Humans. Most things were very exaggerated. Nobody mentioned that Odin was the one that transformed my son. Asked J.A.R.V.I.S. specifically about that. Most times it’s said, it was me other times it is not mentioned. There is a lot of fiction out there. I like it, when I read that Thor is my brother. I don’t like it, when I’m portrayed like some sex-hungry person, that just wants to create creatures. Nobody thinks Sleipnir is a shapeshifter. They also think I got pregnant deliberately. Did not want to know more after that.

**May 22**

J.A.R.V.I.S. told me Tony’s birthday was in a week. Now I miss him again. Apparently, one should not ask how old people are. Then why had he asked me?

J.A.R.V.I.S. told me, he is turning 42. I asked if that was an ill-fitted joke. He told me he was born in 1970. He is turning 42. Told him to tell Pepper that the number was special, asked if Tony had read ‘The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’. He said yes.

I really miss Tony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 29.09.2019: word has to many complaints...  
edit 16.12.2019: dates, capital letters, commas, adding little detail (Fury's helicopter)  
edit 20.09.2020: had a few wrong words in, noticed while quoting...


	5. A Chance at Happiness

“Mister Rogers, can I ask for your advice on something?”

Steve looked a bit confused, before setting the next chess-piece. “I hope, I can help you.”

“You were born a long time ago, right, in Human years, I mean?”

“Yeah, but I don’t actually feel that old.”

“Yes. You were asleep over the years. J.A.R.V.I.S. told me.”

“Are you checking up on us?”

“Only rudimentary things, I hope you find it okay.”

“It’s not exactly a secret.”

“I would wish to ask, for your help, I hope you are not offended.”

“What can I help you with, Loki?”

“What do you think about the mortality of Humans?”

“Umm, what is this about?”

“I was just wondering if you think about it a lot. I am thinking about the mortality of Humans a lot.”

“Well you are much older, Loki, of course you think about it.”

“But is it wrong to constantly think about that, to remind everyone?”

“I think you are worried about time, Loki. Worried how it affects us more than you. I have this woman. I loved her, back when I was not in the ice yet, she is old now. It is the constant reminder that I do not belong in this time, yet I still try to adapt to it. I have new friends and still miss the old ones. But I cannot go back in time. I can only live now.”

“Would it be selfish? If one were to enter a relationship, knowing full well, that the other will grow old and die before one does?”

“What do you think?”

“I would think it's selfish. Especially when the other person could be equally happy with someone different and grow old with that person.”

“But what does the other person want? And what do you want? Do you want to be with that person and live with that person as long as you can or do you wish to stand aside, missing that one chance you have at getting with that person?”

Loki tried to blink away the tears, but they were already falling. “But what… What right do I have to be with that person? To let him feel like he is only a small chapter in my life?”

“Is he though? Is that person only a small part of your life or might he be a big part in your current life? Do you know the future? Exactly the future you might have with that person or that that person would have with someone else? Your life does not move faster, Loki. It moves at the same pace all our lives move at. Why should you be denied a chance at happiness?”

“Because there would be so much pain in the end.”

“But do you think it is worth it? Is the pain at the end worth spending your time with that person?”

Loki did not have an answer for that. He just sat crying on the bed and Steve came over, softly laying his arm around him, while he sobbed. “I think, I love him”, he whimpered, “Why must I be this way? Why must I never let people come close? Why have I chosen the life of watching instead of a life of living?” Steve enclosed Loki in his strong arms but said nothing. Loki cried and sobbed and whimpered until he had fallen asleep.

When Loki looked into the mirror the next morning, his eyes, already ruby red, looked even redder.

“J.A.R.V.I.S. is Tony at work today?”, Loki asked with a rough voice.

“Yes, Loki, his work schedule has been pretty full the last few weeks.”

“Then could I maybe have a pen and paper? I wish to write him a letter?”

“You could also write him an electronic letter.”

“No thank you.”

“I have sent the request to the team, who are having breakfast together.”

“Oh, then tell them to enjoy their meal from me please, I wished not to disturb them.”

“It is done, Loki. Anything else?”

“No thank you, J.A.R.V.I.S.”

It took him half an hour, but Steve brought him a block of letter paper and a pen.

“Do you need anything else? I don’t believe J.A.R.V.I.S. mentioned you having breakfast yourself.”

“I will eat after I have written the letter, thank you, Mister Rogers, I hope it was no bother.”

“Please, Loki, you call everyone else by their first names, so I’m Steve.”

“Then thank you, Steve, it was awfully kind of you to bring this. And for you to sit with me yesterday.”

“No problem at all, Loki.” He patted Loki on the shoulder and then left again.

It took Loki a few tries, but in the end, he was quite satisfied with how the letter turned out. Although he was still afraid, Tony would not like it.

**“Dear Anthony Edward Stark,**

**I wish to call you Tony once again, yet I am afraid you might prohibit me from doing so. We are no longer friends and we barely were lovers, although I had always thought of you that way.**   
**I have realised that I was wrong in many ways.**   
**Yes, my life might be longer than yours, even exponentially so, but every life is worth living. Every waking minute could be spent with friends and family doing what one loves. Actually, I believe it should be spent that way.**   
**I have hung up on my dead wife for far too long, I have not truly lived. Not anywhere but Asgard. I was only a spectator, somehow that is the thing my brother realised a lot sooner and I am now envious of, knowing that I could have spent decades actually living, enjoying myself with more than a few mischievous activities.**   
**My life had seemingly stopped after the death of my wife and son. I was a mere shell of myself and when you took interest in me, I was afraid of the end. I should not look at the end. How could one ever enjoy the whole story, if one is only focused on the ending?**

**I love you, Tony.**   
**I love you and I will for an eternity. Never doubt that. My heart is yours. I have never loved like this, I promise you. I will never forget you, Tony. Even if I may not be in your heart anymore. I only wish for you to accept that I have these feelings.**   
**I want to live. And I want to do it now.**

**Forever Yours,**   
**Loki or Lokes or whatever you wish to call me”**

Loki was nervous, when he folded the letter and asked J.A.R.V.I.S. if he could send Steve.

Steve smiled brightly and only looked a bit confused, when he saw the array of discarded paper.

“Could you deliver this?”, Loki asked him.

“Do you not want to do it yourself? He sits in his office all day long, cursing and sometimes screaming at business partners.”

“Then will you accompany me? I cannot go alone.”

“Of course.”

“No, wait, I have to dress first, a suit maybe and I need to make my hair and wash my face.”

Steve laughed. “Make it quick.”

Loki tried to, really. He practically ran into the bathroom, threw water at his face and braided his hair anew, after putting on a proper outfit. When he came out, he was even more nervous than before.

“Do you think he’ll even see me?”, he asked Steve on the way to Tony’s office.

“He’ll see you. He has to see you. If he doesn’t, I’ll make him.”

“I don’t wish to bother him at work, though, maybe he is doing something very important.”

“He’ll have to make time for you.”

“Was it right though, writing a letter? If I see him anyway, I could have just told him.”

“He can read it again and again, Loki. To relive the same moment again is much harder.”

“What will he think of me? I normally don't do spontaneous things. I have not calculated all the outcomes. Maybe we should just go back.” He tried to turn on his heel, but Steve quickly grabbed him and pushed him forwards.

“You are not running away from this.”

“Only cowards run away. But I have been a coward.”

“He has been too. For not returning.”

Suddenly they were there. Steve pushed him right past the assistant, who just smiled brightly at the captain. Steve opened the door, where Tony lifted his head away from his monitors, confused, and shoved Loki in, before closing the door behind him. Tony and Loki stared at each other, Loki clutching the letter, Tony waiting. Eventually Loki shakily put the letter on the desk.

“F-F-For you. Please read it soon.” Tony took the letter and looked at Loki’s hands, who were still stained from ink, which was a different shade of blue than his skin.

“How long did it take you to write this?”

“A-All morning, I have yet to eat breakfast.”

When Tony opened the letter, Loki attempted to leave, but was stopped in his tracks by Tony’s word: “Stay.”

Loki stood frozen, while Tony turned with his chair, so Loki could not see his reactions. It felt like a century, waiting, after some time he shifted to the ground now shaking even more. He was tearing up again, trying not to make a sound leave his throat. He did not like it. Of course, he did not like it. How could he ever…

“Do you mean that?”

“Yes”, Loki answered, burying his face in his hands, trembling more and more, while the tears feel.

“And you’ll never take this back?”

“Never.”

“Okay.”

Quickly Loki jumped up and opened the door, running back the way they came. “Loki!”, not just one but two voices screamed after him. He stopped and turned; his face full of tears. He stared at Tony down the hall, too afraid to move.

“Please”, he whispered. He was stuck. He couldn’t do anything anymore. He shouldn't have run.

Slowly he faced downwards. He doesn’t love him. Not anymore, right? When he felt arms closing around him, he was shaking again, sobbing. He was glad that, when he opened his eyes, it actually _was_ Tony, who was rubbing his back. He pushed his head into Tony’s shoulder, apologising over and over again, until Tony finally grabbed his face and kissed him. He broke after that, Loki just fell to the ground, which surprised both Tony and Steve, who was still waiting down the hallway, but now came running towards them.

“Loki?”, Tony asked kneeling at his side.

“Please don’t go”, Loki begged, “please, I need you in my life.”

“I’m right here, I’m not leaving. Are you okay?”

“I just, I… Yes? Maybe? No? I don’t… I don’t really… All is falling apart, together, in place. I am… Tony?”

“Right here, Lokes.”

“I love you.”

Tony smiled. “I love you too.”

Loki curled up, before realising where he was. “Get up, argh, I need to get up. Get up and leave. Too public, too many faces.” He struggled for some time, while trying to get up, ignoring the hands held out to him. When he finally stood, he got out a handkerchief and whipped away his tears. “Too emotional, not good on an empty stomach.”

Tony grinned. “Let’s take you to the Avengers kitchen and get something in you, right?”

Loki looked to Steve who nodded, and he nodded too. “Yes. I am hungry. Crying is not good.”

“But it feels good sometimes”, Tony answered, while putting his arm around Loki's waist.

“I’ll, uhm, tell the others. You just uhm, take your time getting there”, Steve butted in and walked away.

“How have you been?” They walked slowly, trying to stretch their time together.

“I have been well, Tony. Thinking a lot, sometimes too much, sometimes in wrong directions. J.A.R.V.I.S. has been very helpful.”

“So, you’re over the whole me dying a lot sooner than you are?”

“There are ways to combat that, but I will never know if I could get that for you, or I could just put a curse on myself, with my powers, that I don't have at the moment. But right now, I just want to live with you. I want to be around you, and I hope you want that, too.”

“Yeah. I want that. I want you. All of you.”

Loki blushed as they reached the elevator. “All of me?”

“All of you”, whispered Tony and pushed him into the empty elevator, standing on his tiptoes to kiss Loki. It was a messy kiss that continued all the way to the Avengers floor and when they parted, they were both catching their breaths.

“Do that again”, Loki hushed, his eyes barely green anymore, “Do that again and I will bed you anywhere.”

“Later maybe.” Tony giggled. “For now, we will have to fill your stomach.”

When they walked into the dining room, Tony’s hand wrapped around Loki’s waist again, all the present Avengers were grinning from one cheek to another.

“Umm, are you guys okay?” It apparently wasn't just Loki who found it odd.

“Tony and Loki sitting on a tree, k-i…” Clint was stopped with an elbow from Natasha in his stomach.

“Yeah, so?”

“We’re all just very happy for you”, Natasha answered and pulled at Clint's ear. “Right?!”

“Yes, yes, very happy. Happy Avengers all around. Haven’t seen you up here in a while, Tony.”

“I, uhm, work. Making sure that you can all stop worrying about money.”

“You haven’t eaten anything I brought you. For the first few days your assistant still pretended you ate all that.” Steve seemed upset or even slightly offended, that Tony would rather order a new meal later, than warm up the meal Steve had prepared for him.

“While we are on the topic of food, Steve, why don’t you take my darling Loki here to the kitchen, so he can eat something.”

Loki was sure that everyone in the room saw how red he was, but he tried to keep his head high, while walking after Steve. Not too high, so they might think he was up to something, but definitely not too low, that everyone thought he might be ashamed of Tony openly declaring that he was his. Loki was going to get him with that later.

“So, Loki what do you want for breakfast?”

“What do Humans eat for breakfast? In this decade?”

“Uhm… Pancakes, bacon and eggs? Some just eat cereal.”

“Pancakes and bacon? That seems odd.”

“No-no-no.” Steve chuckled. “Pancakes with syrup or bacon with eggs and maybe toast.”

“I might as well try the pancakes then; do you make the batter yourself?”

“I’m still trying to perfect it.”

Loki watched Steve making the batter and then shook his head after a while. “Not enough milk, Steve.”

Steve stared at him for a while and Loki just shrugged. “The easiest way not to starve to death when you don’t exactly have much money is to work at bistros and restaurants.”

“So, you could have done this yourself?”

“Yes. But if I only do, you cannot learn.” Loki took the bowl from Steve and whisked the batter, before putting more milk in and trying it again. “Of course, it could be much easier with some magic. But you have none and I have none, so I’ll have to do it the old-fashioned way”, he continued and then pulled the whisk out. “Perfect”, Loki murmured.

He oiled the pan, and smirked when he saw how closely Steve was studying what he was doing. “Now. Cheese-pancakes, apple-pancakes or normal ones?”, Loki asked.

“Uhm, what-pancakes?”

“Or any kind of berry. Do we have berries?”

“Uhm, no.”

“That’s a shame. Then just plain old pancakes, more on the white or on the brown side?”

“Brown? But not too dark. And you’re just making pancakes for yourself, we already ate.”

“Oh? Could you ask, if any of them want anything? I might be hungry, but I am not _that_ hungry.”

Steve smiled and walked to the dining area, while Loki poured batter onto the hot pan. With a flick of the wrist, Loki turned the pan, so the batter was almost equally distributed.

“Tony will take a few”, Steve informed him.

Loki smiled at the soldier and then began looking for a plate, before giving up and flipping the pancake, before it got too dark. When he looked to Steve, he found that the man had taken out a plate.

“Thank you.”

“You could just ask.”

“I am rather independent.”

“Yeah, I can see that. But you still strive for contact, right?”

“If you are wondering if I am choosing a path that is to be alone, I think you already know the answer. But don’t think I am dependent on other people. I have not been for centuries and my interest in Humans or rather one specific Human has not changed that yet.”

“Yet?”

“I know I am falling. Falling into a deep pit, where my happiness will become dependent on his. I do not wish for him to know.”

“Then I won’t tell him.”

“Thank you.”

“But just so we’re clear. You love him?”

“I have never felt a pull like that towards any partner.”

“Not even your wife?”

“It was an arranged marriage, we got along, trusted each other and created two sons, but even if we spoke words of love, we both knew it was not that.”

“So, he is your first love?”

“I guess, it would make him my first love, yes.” Loki, who had been stacking one pancake after the other on the plate, poured the last bit on batter onto the pan. “If you were so kind and put things on the table that are normally eaten with pancakes, I’d appreciate that.”

“Sure thing.” Steve walked away and Loki flipped the last pancake when it was ready.

First love, huh? To think he had already lived so long that there were huge gaps in his memories. But this, Tony, he knew was a first. He will change him; Loki was sure of that. Maybe it was good. With all the things that were thrown at his face, maybe becoming more what Tony wanted him to be, would be good. Loki turned off the stove and then pushed the last pancake onto the others, before carrying the plate to the dining table.

“Damn, Lokes, that looks amazing.”

“Are you hungry yet?”

“I am getting hungrier”, Tony answered while Loki sat down the plate on the table.

Before he could say anything, Tony snatched the top pancake, covered it with syrup and shoved it in his mouth. Loki sighed a little, before sitting down and grabbing a pancake. He rolled it up and then took a bite, almost moaning at the taste. Damn, that took him back a few years, to that little café on the corner, of, where had that been again? He had been starving for days and promised the owner, he would clean all the dishes of the customers, if he could just have a simple meal. Of course, he cleaned the dishes without dirtying his royal hands, but that meal had been everything to him.

Loki didn’t want to react to the looks he got from the Avengers but felt himself blushing. “J-Just a reminder of umm, memories?”

“Good ones it seems.” There is a grin on Clint’s face, that Loki couldn’t really interpret.

“It didn’t end up being that bad, yes.”

“Hey, Loki, you can heal right? What could you do with this?” Clint suddenly stood beside Loki and lifted up his shirt, revealing a deep cut. Tony grunted, obviously not happy about the action.

“Actually, I probably couldn’t do anything. How long has it been? Two weeks since I had to put the bracelets on?”

Tony nodded silently, grabbing another pancake, this time to avoid, the question Clint was probably going to ask him.

“What do you mean… What does he mean by that, Tony?”

Loki looked to Tony, waiting for his answer, while he ate two more pancakes. “Yeah, Tony, what do I mean?”

“It means, he can’t access his magic if he’s wearing the cuffs for too long. They don’t just stop him from casting anything, but actually suppress it.”

“What?” Bruce was the first to shout, but the others followed quickly.

“Why did you never tell us, Tony?” Steve seemed far too angry for Loki’s taste.

“You mean we’re keeping magic boy here around and he couldn’t even do any magic, if we needed him to?”, exclaimed Clint, while Natasha just frowned.

“I only found out right before we didn’t talk anymore. Wanted to take them off, but he didn’t want to.”

“I didn’t say that, Tony. I just told you not to go against your team. Or well, something like that.” Quickly he ate another pancake, to evade Tony’s look.

“We have to abide by Fury’s commands.”

“We all know that, Tony, but he just said that we have to keep the public safe.”

Loki knew to keep out of that argument, so, slowly but steadily, he emptied the plate before him.

“What are you insinuating, Steve?”

“I am insinuating that within at least certain parts of the tower, we can create our own rules about that, because the public wouldn’t be at risk.”

“Like what?”

“Like taking the cuffs off in his room for starters. I know not everyone might like being around Loki with him possibly being able to cast anything, so Loki would have to abide to that. I would say as long as he is either in a locked room or with any of the Avengers, that are okay with him not having on his cuffs on, he shouldn’t _have_ to have them on. That way he could regain his powers over time and actually be of help to us.”

Tony and Steve looked at each other and then to Loki, who slurped down the last pancake. “What? This isn’t my decision, boys. Turn the other way.”

Tony rolled his eyes and then turned to the team. “Any objections?”

“As long as we can direct, if we want them on or not, when out of the room, no objections from me”, Clint finally said, after a cold silence. Steve and Tony looked to the other two members present. Natasha just shrugged and Bruce said something about him not being locked up all the time either.

“So, it’s decided. Can I take them off now?” Tony seemed eager and already had a key in hand.

Clint, who a few minutes ago still wanted Loki to heal him, took a step back and then nodded.

“Sure, go ahead”, Natasha answered, and the other men nodded with those words.

Loki turned in his chair as Tony knelt down and opened the cuffs, having a slight smirk on his face, only Loki could see, which, Loki concluded, had to be a dirty thought. Then Tony moved on to his wrists and removed the cuffs there, too. Gently Loki rubbed his hands over the places the cuffs had been until now.

“Thank you.” Loki got up and opened his hands. For a moment he closed his eyes, thinking of a spell, but nothing happened. “Like I thought. It will take some time. Thank you. All of you, to allow this.” He bowed deeply in front of the Avengers, till Tony cleared his throat.

“Yeah, we got it, Lokes, umm, you want to come with me now?”

Loki straightened his back, before smiling at Tony. “If you want me to, it would be an honour.” Tony took Loki’s hand in his and basically dragged him off.

Loki knew he had to be crimson, when they reached the elevator. “To do that in front of your team…”

“Don’t complain, you loved it.” Tony pulled Loki down by his collar and kissed him.

“I… I know… But Tony… It is not very… Gentleman-like”, Loki answered between kisses.

“Who said I was a gentleman?”

“If you plan on bedding me, you should be a gentleman.”

“Oh, not a playboy?”

“I’ll make an honest man out of you, Tony”, Loki answered and winked at him.

“Damn, yes, make me honest.”

“And what will you make me?”

“I will make you the ruler of my heart.”

Loki looked a bit surprised. “I was actually thinking you would change me a bit.”

“Why would you need changing? You’re the fucking God of Mischief.”

“I am no God. And it would be of Chaos.”

“Taking me to school now, are you? But honestly, Loki, you are perfect, you’ve always been perfect to me.”

“Yet people fear me.”

“They feared me, too. Some still do. You know, only Iron Man was qualified to be in the Avengers at the beginning, not me. Not Tony Stark.”

“But you _are_ Iron Man.”

“Yes. But apparently my public persona is not very hero-like.”

“Well, you are just a Human. You have two spies and two guys pumped up with different serums on the team. You are the only normal one there. You just happen to be a billionaire and a genius.”

“And you? What are you?”

“A man, that would die for you.” Tony looked shocked, softly Loki leaned down and drew a kiss from the man’s lips. “Where are you taking me?”

“To my lab.”

“Oh, interesting.”

“You’re smart, right?”

“I have read a lot of books and have learned a lot over the years. Both here and on other planets.”

“When Thor wanted to take you to Asgard, he said something of the Bifrost.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I won’t build you one.”

“Oh, come on, how did you even know, I was going to ask you that?”

“That is what everybody asks, once they find out I studied it.”

“Who was the last person?”

“Not telling you!”

Loki grinned, remembering fondly the weeks spent in a little country called Wakanda, before the King finally gave up on trying to convince him to give up his knowledge. Something like, they’d figure it out themselves sooner or later anyway.

“Who’d be interested in that other than me?”

“Other geniuses?”

“There are none greater than me.” On that note, Loki laughed loudly. “In this time.”

Loki shook his head grinning. “You’re over-confident, darling.”

“On this planet.”

“Nope.”

“In this country.”

Now Loki had to think. “So, you think Banner is beneath you?”

“Totally different department.”

“Genius does not have a department, darling.”

“I… Could you not even try?”

“To give you an even bigger ego?”

“You’re the God of Lies. Lie to me.”

“Still not a God and it’s not of lies, either. Trickster, chaos and a few others, but not lies.”

“But is tricking people not like lying?”

“Nope, darling, not the same.”

“Darn.”

“You realise, you’re insulting me over and over again with all the assuming, right?”

Tony gave Loki a quick peck on the cheek. “You love me for it.”

“I don’t.”

“I’ll make it up to you.”

“I hope so. For your own sake.”

“Oh, would you pull tricks on me?”

“I don’t even need my Seiðr to do that.”

“I better watch out.”

“You better”, Loki answered with a big grin, while Tony opened the door to the laboratories, “You will never know when I will strike.”

“Oh, will this take like years and then you say, remember when you screwed up there, yeah that was me?”

“I don’t… Kiss and tell.”

“I don’t think you’re using that phrase right.”

“Pray tell.”

Tony stared at him, before whimpering: “Please go back to your British-ness.”

“Not happening. I never tried to be British in the first place.”

“Lokes.”

“Darling?” Loki smirked, before deciding to look around, inspecting especially the different Iron Man suits. “Are these all?”

“Some are still at the Malibu residence.”

“Why not here?”

“Umm, hoarding in one place isn’t good?”

“I see, so why aren’t you there?”

“Well…”

“Yes?”

“There is this handsome blue prisoner at my New York residence.”

“Oh really, I haven’t seen him around. Are we kept apart for special reasons?”

“Yeah, otherwise we wouldn’t be able to tell you apart.”

“Truly, is he a shapeshifter then?”

“Pretty sure he is.”

“Oh, so am I.”

Loki snickered, when Tony grabbed and tickled him.

“You are guilty of getting on my nerves, Lokes.”

“Are you going to apprehend me? Throw me in my cell?” Loki let himself get pushed against one of the see-through cabinets Tony’s suits were in, before grabbing Tony’s thighs and lifting him up, so they were on eye-level. “Do you like this, _warden_?”

“Oh yes. Obey my commands.”

“I shall not.”

Loki pressed his lips against Tony’s, before going softer and lightly biting on his lower lip, grinning at the groan Tony let slip. Swiftly he slipped them around, Tony’s back now hitting the cabinets. While making out with Tony, he let one hand slip under his butt and the other one grab behind his neck.

“Lo-Loki.”

“Yes?” He answered, opening his eyes slightly, to inspect the scarlet-red face of his lover. When he did not answer, he pecked at his neck, earning himself a moan of appreciation.

“Oh, Loki!”

Loki grinned, softly biting on his collarbone. “I’ll make you shut up.”

“Ye…”

Loki pushed his lips against Tony’s, slowly pushing his tongue between the other one’s open lips. When they parted, they were both huffing heavily. Tony’s pupils were blown wide, which brought a grin on Loki’s face. He didn’t have to say it, Loki knew, he had Tony.

Tony who had never experienced being on the other side of this before. Tony who had never laid with a man before. Tony who thought of himself being a playboy, yet only ever had women in his bed. Loki knew Tony was scared, when they calmed down a little. Not scared that Loki would walk away, no scared what they would do, once this passed. Loki could hide how turned on he was, at the lusting sight of Tony, but Tony couldn’t hide, how aroused he was.

“Loki”, he whispered.

“Tony.”

“Let’s go to my room.”

“Oh, is this not private enough?”

“Bruce could walk in at any second.”

“Doesn’t that make it more exhilarating?”

“I want to have you in my bed.”

“Oh, where you dreamt so very often of me?”

“Yes.”

Loki grinned. “And you will have me?”

Tony blushed again, realising in what kind of position he was. “If you let me.”

“I _do_ believe you’re not ready for me yet.”

Tony turned even redder. “Let’s just… augh… go.”

Swiftly, Loki changed Tony’s position, to carry him like his bride. “Now do you have a private elevator?”

“We-We came from the private one.”

“Oh darling. You should have taken me to your suite directly.”

“I… Damnit Lokes, just walk.”

Loki snickered before placing a soft kiss on Tony’s red cheeks and walking off.

When Loki and Tony actually entered Tony’s bedroom, he felt scared again. The thought of a man pushing into him, brought back terrifying memories. He tried, he really tried not to let it show, but Tony saw it anyway.

“Lokes, you okay?”

Loki smiled, after laying Tony down. “Of course.” He may not have bedded someone in a while, but he at least had been with men before, contrary to Tony.

“I can _see_, that you’re not alright.”

“Do you want this or not?”

“Lokes. I know, I look like I want this, but I won’t force you.” Tony grabbed Loki’s hands and started showering them with kisses.

“I’m sorry.”

“No. Don’t be.” He pulled Loki onto the bed and sat up, next to him. “I know, _I’m_ not ready for _you_. Not that I don’t _want_ you, though; I want to let you love me and love you back, I want to have you near me, but that doesn't mean, I need to have intercourse with you. Jumping from not even talking for weeks to having sex is not healthy.”

“But you… You wanted me. I can _see_, you still want me.”

Tony grunted and looked down, before slumping back onto the bed. “Damn, alright, Lokes, listen… I’m going to shower and take care of this and after that, we’ll watch a movie or something, deal?”

Loki blushed and nodded quickly. When Tony left, he was actually quite relieved, that it had not come that far. He already had memories in his sight, when the agents had taken him, or when the aliens had forced themselves inside. He had instigated it, this time and he had loved kissing Tony, turning him on. Yet he feared going further. He feared freaking out, he feared showing him, how scared he actually was.

He wanted to be there, he wanted to be respected and he knew Tony would not intentionally hurt him. Yet he was hurt. He had _been_ hurt. It had not been Tony, but it could have been. He wanted to be okay, but he wasn’t. He was all talk. Not being respected was nothing new to Loki, he had rarely been respected on Asgard, nobody had questioned him standing at the side of the throne at Thor’s coronation, but he knew nobody wanted him there.

He was not _their_ prince. Not their blond, fierce, battle-loving prince. No, Loki was the raven-haired, mischievous sorcerer. Magic was for women, but Loki had mastered it and he was hated for that. Magic was not manly. He knew that. Odin used it rarely, although, Loki knew he could. After all, he had been on the other end of such spells over and over again.

Frigga had taught him the proper use of his Seiðr. Not that Odin had liked it, after all, with the proper spells, Loki could defend himself against the All-Father. On the other hand, that way Loki had not found the time to sift through the entire library in search of a spell, that could kill the man. And yes, he had wanted to kill him, over and over again. He had never acted on it, after all, he was his father and Loki rather valued his own life, than be killed right after such action. Instead, every time the urge became too big, Loki had fled Asgard. Not just through the Bifrost but other pathways, too.

When he felt someone touch his shoulder, Loki pushed the thoughts away. This was not the first time, Loki got lost in his thoughts, but he knew people did not appreciate it. When Tony slowly came into view, Loki let himself fall onto the bed with a smile.

“How was the shower?”, he whispered, as Tony sat down next to him, before leaning down and giving him a peck on the cheek.

“Hot.”

“I can only imagine.”

“I imagined a lot. Had you right in front of me. Well, not you, the 2009 version.”

“Oh darling, did I make you happy?”

“Very.” Tony kissed him again, before sitting up. “Alright. J.A.R.V.I.S. what do you recommend for movies?”

“A darkened room, Sir.”

“Well, not pitch-black, but alright. Loki, something wholesome, or action or horror?”

“What do you like to watch?” Loki in turn asked, while the room slowly darkened. Tony scooted to the end of the bed and Loki followed him, after taking off his shoes. Tony’s hand slipped around his waist, before pulling a light blanket over them.

“Well, I want to see, what you want to see.”

“It has been too long, since I have watched movies. Please, darling, you decide.”

“Well, alright then, action. Let’s go through the James Bond flics.”

Loki smiled at him and softly touched Tony’s beard, while the film started. To be honest, he knew he’d barely pay attention to it, anyway. He only commented during the fight-scenes, which made Tony either giggle or defend the actor.

Loki wrapped himself around Tony, pulling him to his chest, enjoying his warmth.

“Am I your pillow?”

“You’re my heat cushion, darling, you make my stomach aches disappear.”

“Are you having some?”

“Well, there is this fluttering feeling in there. Maybe, if I hold onto you enough, it disappears.”

“Well, then I should push you away.”

“No!”, Loki whined, pulling Tony closer and placing a kiss on his neck.

“Right, I’ll stay here then.”

Thankful Loki placed a kiss on the back of Tony’s neck, that made him choke on a breath. After that he just buried his head in Tony’s shoulder.

“I missed you.”

“Missed you, too, Lokes.”

“For three years?”

“Probably.”

“Well, I missed you more then. Time in the void was different.”

“I missed you a lot.”

“I know.” He nudged Tony with his horns, before laying his head back sideways on Tony’s shoulder and letting the warmth slowly push him into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 29.09.2019: continuity error fixed, other mistakes as well  
edit 16.12.2019: confused, capital letters, commas


	6. Finally Home

His own scream woke Loki from his slumber. Shaking, he asked J.A.R.V.I.S. where he was.

“You are in the master bedroom right now, Loki.”

“The master bedroom?”

“Yes. Sir’s room.”

“How did I get here?”

“You came up here, carrying Sir, around noon.”

“Was he hurt?” He felt his voice shaking at the thought.

“No, _he_ wasn’t. Do you seriously not remember?”, a warm voice asked.

Loki needed to blink a few times, before Tony eventually came into view. “T-T…”

“Tony? Yeah, me, Lokes, heard you scream.”

“My journal… Can I have it?”

“Uh, sure, J, could you ask Steve to bring it up? Why do you need it?”

“It’s the last thing I wrote.”

“It isn’t though.” Tony pulled a letter from the bedside table and handed it to Loki. Before he took it though, he flinched backwards.

“Where are my cuffs? You shouldn’t have taken them off. I told you, the team.”

“The team was fine with it. Steve suggested it even.”

“Steve doesn’t count. He likes me.”

Tony laughed loudly, before he held the letter closer. “Just read it, darling.”

Loki’s heart jumped and pounded hard in his chest. He sat up and took the letter from Tony, a soft smile on his face. When he read the letter, he felt himself tearing up. “And… and you?”

“Me what, Lokes, you’re in my bed, what does it look like?” Embarrassed, Loki lifted the covers, to find himself still fully dressed, only his shoes missing. Tony laughed loudly. “No, Lokes we didn’t have sex. We watched a movie and cuddled. Well, I watched a movie and you were clinging to me, before falling asleep.”

“What kind of movie?”

“James Bond, action.”

“You should have gone with something more entertaining.” Loki handed him the letter back and Tony put it away. “Don’t worry, I’ll remember in an hour or so. Sometimes that happens, but I don’t think there is anything to worry about this time.”

“Thank goodness, because I really liked this morning.”

“So, it is still the same day?”

“Oh, yeah, afternoon, 4 P.M. I think, you slept for a couple hours.”

“Loki slept for 3 hours and 27 minutes to be exact.”

“Thanks, J. I bet; he didn’t need that.”

“It is very useful information Tony. Thank you, J.A.R.V.I.S.”

“Always a pleasure, Loki.”

“I swear, he likes you better than me.”

“We have been chatting a lot. And he calls me by my first name, while you are still ‘Sir’.”

“Umm, I made him call me that. J, will you call me Tony from now on?”

“I find that deeply inappropriate.”

Tony cursed and Loki laughed lightly, before shifting to the edge of the bed and pulling Tony up from his knees. “Now, what would you do to me?”

Tony smiled and got up. “Oh, I want to do so, so much to you, gorgeous. Sadly, that has to wait, I think Steve is still en route.”

“And that would stop you? Are you embarrassed?”

“Of you? Hardly.” He bent over to take Loki’s face in his hands. The kiss was soft, barely there and Loki softly pulled Tony onto his lap.

“Don’t ever let me go again, Tony.”

“Never.”

“And don’t ever believe I say anything but words of love towards you.”

“Commanding me now, are we?”

“Oh, I am not making you swear.”

“Would that be worse?”

“So much worse, darling.”

“I’ll make sure not to believe everything out of your mouth then.”

“Only the good things?”

“Only the things you are serious about.”

“If it conflicts with the letter…”

“Then I’m not going to take it serious, gorgeous.”

“Fantastic.” Loki pulled Tony to his mouth, before they parted at the sounds of a door.

“Tony?” They heard Steve ask from the other room. Quickly Tony got onto his feet and Loki followed him out of the room.

“Hey, Steve.”

“Umm, you requested Loki’s journal? I don’t think you can read it though. And honestly, I don’t think you should.” Steve had not yet noticed Loki, so Loki cleared his throat. “Oh, you’re _here_.”

“Sadly, Steve, I need the journal to recall a few things.” He held his hand out, while striding towards the blond man.

“Oh, you had a setback again? I thought those only happened when you slept.” He handed him the small book with the familiar leather cover.

“They do, apparently I have fallen asleep during a film, Tony showed me.” Loki opened the journal and flipped through it. “I should write more. This is not new at all.”

“Well, we had a talk yesterday evening and I don’t think you updated it this morning.”

“Oh, you talked? I’m excited to hear about that.”

“You won’t. He has a right to privacy, you know. Even J.A.R.V.I.S. knows that.”

“Okay, okay. But he’d tell me, if I needed to know.”

Loki smiled a little. “We talked, Steve?”

“Yeah and then this morning you wrote a letter to Tony.”

“Which I’ve shown him”, Tony added.

“It was probably based partly on that conversation, right, Steve?”

“I would guess, yes.”

“Good. And then?”

“We went to Tony’s office; you delivered it and then ran away.”

“Only cowards run.”

Steve laughed loudly. “You said that too, before you brought him the letter.”

“And then?”

“Then we all went to have breakfast in the Avengers kitchen, you made pancakes.”

“I did? Alright, I could see that happening.”

“And we discussed your cuffs and decided we were better off trusting you not to kill us with your powers, then you having none at all, when we might need it. After that, Tony took you away.”

“Oh, darling, did you now?”

Tony flushed and then pushed Steve to the door. “Enough of the show and tell, thanks, Steve, greatly appreciated.” When Steve had left, he turned to Loki. “You are a menace.”

Loki grinned with a wide smile, before getting up and walking to the windows. “Is it weird, that I get this fluttering feeling, when thinking about falling from here?”

“You’re not scared of heights, are you?”

“I let myself fall into space, what do you think?”

“Pretty sure, I did something very similar.”

“Falling from a great height is not similar. You knew where you were heading, I did not.” Loki reached for Tony and laid his arm around his hip. “You know, I won’t do that again, right?”

“Falling into space?”

“Falling without knowing where I’m heading.”

“Tell me then, next time, where you’re heading.”

Loki smiled at him, before cupping his cheek and softly kissing his lips. “I… I like this.”

Tony pulled him close, cursing at the height difference. “Yeah, I like this, too.” He proceeded to push Loki to a couch and Loki sat down again, pulling Tony after him. “Much better”, Tony whispered and looked at him with a bright smile. “Damn, you really _are_ gorgeous.”

He caressed Loki’s face, before softly touching his horns. Loki gasped lightly under the contact. “Oh, Tony…” Tony smirked and placed a kiss on the left horn, which gained him a moan from Loki. “I… am very… sensitive…”

“I can tell.”

“Don’t… stop…”

Tony smiled again and wrapped his tongue around the horn. Loki whimpered under the touch. When Tony leaned back, Loki was huffing heavily, eyes blown wide. “I doubt, you know how sexy you look right now, Lokes.” Hungrily, Loki grabbed Tony by his neck and crashed their lips together. He pulled Tony close, angrily.

“I want you”, he breathed and dragged him onto his growing erection.

“Oh, yes!” Tony kissed Loki’s neck, before letting himself get picked up and brought back into his bedroom.

Loki’s heart was still beating loudly. Oh, he had not imagined it would be so good. Especially after his freak-out at noon. Maybe he had gone without such intimacy for too long. He looked to Tony and couldn’t contain his grin.

“You are so cute, darling.”

“Oh, that’s exactly what I want to hear after sex, Lokes.”

“You are perfect.”

“Well, you are awesome.”

“You like playing with my body.”

“Well, you make very _cute_ noises when I do.”

Chuckling Loki kissed him again. “Shower?”

“Another round?”

“Not today, I think.”

“The day is still…”

“Tony.”

“Alright, go.” Loki gave him another peck on the cheek and then walked to the bathroom, a bit sore, but very proud. “Stop giving me a show, Lokes!” A giggle escaped Loki and he let his hips sway a bit more. “I love you!”

A grin was on his lips as he looked over his shoulder to the man splayed out on the bed. “And I you.” He closed the door behind himself and then walked into the shower.

For a few minutes he just let the warm water fall onto his normally cooler, but at the moment unnaturally hot skin. Then he slowly started cleaning himself, after opening his braids, which would have probably been easier had he done it before getting his hair wet. Carefully he rubbed the soap all over his body, especially his private parts.

Tony really was perfect. He was caring. He took care of all of him, oh how much he loved him for that. Loki would have to wait for a while, to get Tony ready to be able to take him, but this, today was fantastic. Familiar and new at the same time. But more than anything, it was safe. He felt safe and loved. If he had any doubts left, they were incinerated in that bed.

The look Tony gave him, when he came back into the room, only wearing a towel around his waist, was not one of lust, but of love.

“Have you ever thought of cutting your hair?”

“No. Short hair is for slaves.”

“Uhm, you have those?”

“Me? Personally? Of course not. They spy.” He chuckled, before freezing at Tony’s firm look. “The All-Father has been trying to get rid of slavery, last I heard. Servants have short hair, too, sometimes, although it is for convenience.”

“But Asgard still has slaves?”

“Sadly, yes, but it has not been so long for Earth either to rid itself of most slavery. And I say most, because there is still just that.”

Sadly, Tony lowered his head. “Yeah, guess, I can’t judge.”

“You don’t really think I would have slaves, would you?”

“Nah, not really, you’re too damn independent.”

Loki smiled brightly and kissed Tony on his cheek. “Thank you.”

“But just to confirm, what is Thor’s stance on slaves?”

“No slaves, but servants. Our mother taught us well enough.”

“Okay, good.”

“Now, will you jump into the shower yourself?”

“Yep. Feel free to take anything from my closet, although I am not sure what will fit you.”

“Otherwise I could just ask J.A.R.V.I.S. to…”

“I want you in my clothes.”

Loki snickered and walked over to the closet. “Clean yourself nicely, darling.”

“Don’t run off. J can’t let you leave the floor anyway, because of the rules.”

“Go shower, Tony.”

Tony rolled his eyes at him. “Yes, my Prince.”

With a smirk on his face Loki walked to the closet, which was actually a walk-in-closet. “J.A.R.V.I.S. where is the underwear?”

“To your left, Loki. And for clothes that might almost fit you, I would suggest sweatpants and a T-Shirt in size L. I can point those out for you, if you’d like.”

“Yes, thank you J.A.R.V.I.S.” Loki chuckled when he pulled out a pair of underwear with the Iron Man mask on it. Yes. Most definitely, yes.

The sweatpants that J.A.R.V.I.S. found him had to be pulled down to his hips to almost fit with the length, but at least the T-Shirt fit him perfectly. It was almost a bit tight. He might not have been as build as Thor, but he was almost as tall. If he had to describe his form, he would call it slender.

Two weeks ago, he had still looked starved, which he probably was, he had almost nothing to eat in his whole capture. But at least it had not been poisoned, as he was sure, Odin would do. He would rid him of his hair and poison him, before sewing his lips shut so he could not escape and then he would let him starve and torture him. He might not rip him apart, but in the end, Loki would have wished for his own death all the same.

“Darling?”

Loki was surprised to find his lover, already dressed in front of him. “Sorry. I was… in thoughts…”

“Bad?”

“Yes.”

“Past, future?”

“Both.”

“Ominous.”

“Asgard.”

“You’re staying here.”

“I want to, yes. But if I’m forced back, there is nothing I could do.”

“I hope it never happens.”

“As do I.”

“But you’re worried.”

“You have never met Odin. But you have met Thor. He is a younger Odin. Imagine Thor, four millennia older, four millennia crueller. Odin has two sons, one defied him more than the other. You know what he did to my family. I worry what he might do, now that Thor, the picture of his youth, has defied him as well. He will not have it, Tony. Whatever fate has befallen Thor on Asgard, my fate will be a thousand times worse. He will get his revenge. I can only hope that our mother can use the time, the Bifrost needs to be built, to calm his senses.”

“Damn, now I am worried.”

“If he lays even a finger on you, I will have his head.” Tony paled before him and Loki kissed his cheek. “Don’t worry, I’ll never let you know.”

“Please don’t kill anyone for me.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes. Even if is your shitty adoptive father.”

“Alright. I promise you; I will not kill him.”

“There are probably some loop-holes, right?”

“Yes. But you should not worry about those too much. I will not play nice long enough, so I can get close enough to lay a hand on him. I would rather spend that time around you.”

“Good. Because I like spending time with you.”

“And I with you. Now, darling, shall I write in my journal and then we might watch more cinematics?”

“You know it’s ‘movies’, Lokes. But yeah, we can do that.”

“I like the word ‘cinematics’. I am sure, Steve would, too.”

“Are you best pals with him now?”

“We both struggle with the times.”

“Yeah, I can see that… Cinematics…”

Loki grinned and kissed Tony’s hand. Smiling, he walked out and got his journal. Quickly he documented the fruitful day.

“J.A.R.V.I.S. could you ask the team, if they are up for movie-night?”

“Of course, Sir. In the in-house theatre?”

“Where else?” Loki smiled at Tony, when he looked over his shoulder. “Are you writing about our breath-taking sex?”

“Of course, darling, wouldn’t want to forget that.”

“So, this is… Asgardian?”

“Some, yes. Main thing is, I can read it and you all cannot.”

“Could Thor, though?”

“Some, yeah, other parts he’d struggle with.”

“Are you using a code, is that why?”

“No. But see here? ‘Tony can be very annoying.’ Thor is not as literate as me.”

“Is that code for ‘I’m a lot smarter than Thor’?”

“What do you think? I mean, I trapped him in the prison on the flying ship.”

Tony laughed loudly. “And here I thought you were worried about your brother.”

“I am. Because he can’t see what will happen.”

“And you can?”

“Sometimes. In my dreams.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I can see the past, the present and the future. Only one can change over time.”

“So, what do you do with the information?”

“If it is something good? I try to forget it.”

“And if it’s bad?”

“I make sure you never know how bad it could have been.” With a sad smile, he took Tony’s hand in his and let his thumb massage over the back of his hand, before kissing it again. “Please never ask me about future dreams. If I say something just take it, don’t question it.”

“Had any of them lately?”

“Dreams like that? I think the last one I had while in the void. Was past though. Future doesn’t happen that often.”

“When did that happen last?”

“I forgot”, Loki answered and winked at Tony.

“We should probably get to movie night.”

“Definitely, darling.” Loki wrapped his fingers around Tony’s and let him lead him around the building.

“There is the happy couple, are you wearing Tony’s clothes?”

Loki blushed and then grinned. “Indeed, I am, Clint, could you see with your ‘hawk-eyes’?” Tony pinched him in the side for that. “Oh, darling, I am not sorry for that.”

“You need to develop some good ass humour.”

“Good ass and ass humour? Done and done.”

Clint groaned and walked through the doors of the theatre. “Steve! We should have never allowed them to see each other again. I am blaming you for the corniness!”

Loki looked to Tony to find him flushed. “Darling.”

“Lokes, please. Just when we’re alone.”

“Not going to happen. But I will make sure to spare you around strangers.”

Tony sighed deeply and dragged him into the theatre. “Whose choice is it?”

“Bruce’s”, Steve answered, and Tony pulled Loki to a two-seater.

“Great, a fluff-piece.”

“If you call ‘Indiana Jones’ a fluff piece, I don’t even want to know what kind of things you’ve been watching.”

“I think, I’ve seen this one before”, Loki exclaimed proudly. And then said, at the looks he was getting: “What? I have been to Earth a lot. Usually every two to five years for a couple months till I get bored.”

“Ever fought in wars here?” Steve asked.

“No. I make sure to keep out of anything historic. After all, I’m not Thor.”

“Thor fought wars on Earth?”

“Wars I am not sure, but he could not withstand a good brawl. That was the reason, I made sure to take less trips with him. They were always cut short.”

“So, team, shall we watch the movie?”

“Cinematics.”

“Mo-vie!”

Loki grinned, before placing a quick kiss on Tony’s cheek. “Movie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 29.09.2019: more fixes  
edit 16.12.2019: capital letters, commas


	7. A Magical Birthday

Everything went well till the evening of Tony’s birthday. The party was still ongoing, when Loki felt a presence in his mind. Pale he turned to the nearest wall.

“Heimdall?”, he whispered.

**Loki.**

_‘Shit, shit, shit.’_ “How long do I have?”

**Up to three days, if you’re lucky.**

“How is Thor?”

**Imprisoned.**

_‘Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!’_ “And Mother?”

**Silent.**

Loki felt sick, as he turned and made his way to the nearest toilet. After throwing up, he wiped his mouth. “Thank you for warning me.”

**You know where my loyalties lie.**

“Yes.” And with that he was alone again. At least for a few moments.

“Lokes?”, he heard from outside the door. Quickly he washed his hands and mouth.

“Hey, birthday-boy.” With a forced smile he leaned at the doorframe.

“Everything okay?”

“Peachy. Just… peachy.” He teared up. Quickly Tony pulled him into a hug.

“Memories?”

“No.”

“Dreams?”

“No.”

“Then what?”

“A message. From Asgard.”

“What does it say?”

“Three days. No more. Maybe less.”

“Shit.”

“Exactly. I have to… I have… Jane…”

“Who?”

“Jane Foster, Thor’s woman.”

“Doctor Jane Foster is one of the world’s leading astrophysicists, Sir. She was also held in a S.H.I.E.L.D. facility while Loki’s status was still to be determined”, J.A.R.V.I.S. supplied.

“Thanks, J. Thor got himself a genius then? Huh, who’d have thought?”

“Tony, please.”

“J, do we know where Doctor Foster is now?”

“She and her companion Darcy Lewis are both in New York at the moment.”

“Could you send them a quick invite to my party? Say it’s at a request of a certain Asgardian prince.”

“Do you want it to say Loki or do you want them to believe it’s Thor, Sir? I will not lie to them.”

“Then don’t lie, J, just leave room for interpretation. And if they come, uhm, lead them to the VIP lounge immediately.”

“Invite sent, Sir. I would suggest that you sit Loki down now and calm him with some snacks.”

“Good.” Tony pushed Loki down the hall towards the conference room and grabbed one of the server’s plate on the way. When Loki sat, he put it in front of them and told him, he was going to get the team. Hastily Loki emptied the plate.

“J.A.R.V.I.S. could I have more?”

“How hungry are you, Loki?”

“Very.”

“I will order you take-out then, anything specific?”

“Spicy. Very spicy.”

“Done. Anything else?”

“Maybe something cold. Juice?”

“Alcoholic?”

“I have to keep a clear head, J.A.R.V.I.S.”

“All right then.”

Hurriedly he grabbed his hair and pulled it backwards. His breath was quick, he was scared. Silently he cursed.

“Hey Loki, look at me.” Bruce had sat down in front of him and he peeked up. “Breath in and out, slowly. Can you do it with me?” He directed him on how to breath for a couple minutes until Loki had calmed a little. Slowly he drank the glass of juice and then tried to smile at the team.

“I am very sorry for this.”

“We don’t even know what’s going on. Only that for some reason we have to talk to Thor’s girlfriend.” Clint seemed really annoyed by the whole ordeal.

“I… I will explain… as much as I can.”

“Are you sure you don’t need a drink, Loki? You look like you need one. Or like a dozen.”

“No thank you, Natasha, alcohol does not become me.”

“Everything will be alright, Lokes.” Tony put his arm around Loki and kissed him on his temple.

“Don’t say that. Then everything will go to shit.”

“E-ve-ry-thing. Will. Be. All-right. You trust me, right?”

“With my life.”

“Good.”

A knock on the door directed all their attention away from Loki. Swiftly Steve got up and opened the door.

“Doctor Foster and Miss Lewis?”, he asked and the two brunettes.

“Yeah. And you’re Captain America”, answered the one with glasses. With a confused smile, he let them inside. Jane was quickly scanning the room, stopped for a second on Loki’s blueness and then turned to Tony.

“Where’s Thor?”

“On Asgard. Imprisoned”, Loki said, after being sure Steve had closed the door. Everyone stared at him in disbelief.

Darcy was the first to recover. “He’s what now?”

“How do you know?”, Jane asked.

“Heimdall told me.”

“Heimdall? You’re Asgardian? Who are you?”

“I am…”

“Not important!”, Tony quickly said.

“Yes, it is, Tony!”, Loki hissed, before turning back to Jane and putting a reassuring smile on his face. “I will not lie to you, Doctor Foster. My name is Loki. I am Thor’s… brother.”

“The one that attacked New York?”, Darcy asked.

“He was mind-controlled”, Tony answered.

“The one that sent a huge metal giant after Thor in New Mexico?”, commented Jane.

Loki blushed out of embarrassment. “That one, yes. I am deeply sorry about that whole ordeal though.”

“Why are you blue, when you’re Asgardian?” Loki was getting slightly annoyed by Darcy, but she also grew on him, weirdly enough.

“I am actually a Frost Giant. The All-Father abducted me, when I was a babe.”

“You don’t look much like a giant.”

“I am very small for a giant, yes, Miss Lewis. But we are not here to talk about me. I want to explain a few things. Especially to you, Doctor Foster, you deserve answers.”

“Alright then, talk”, the scientist ordered.

“The Bifrost was destroyed. After Thor left, he could not return to you. It will be fixed over the next three days, though.”

“And that means?”

“That means, someone will come and take me back to Asgard.”

“Why didn’t you go back with Thor in the first place?”

“Because I thought punishment on Earth would be… more humane, easier, mild… compared to Asgard at least. For one. The other being Tony. Like Thor, I have fallen in love with a Human.” He looked to Tony and shot him a shy smile, before turning back to Jane. “I wished for a moment more here. And I needed to provide Director Fury with answers.”

“Why is Thor in prison?”

“He defied the All-Father. At least that is the reason I believe Odin has imprisoned him for. And before you ask, his task was to bring me back.”

“Odin, like the same guy that banished Thor on Earth two years ago?”

“Yes.”

“What will happen to you?”

“Death? At least a possibility. Not a quick death though. I imagine torture in the dungeons, unable to use my powers. And once he has no use for me anymore, after a few decades or centuries, only then I am allowed to die.”

“Could that happen to Thor?”

“Never. He is his son, after all. I am not. I never was.”

“But he still brought you up.”

“I mean nothing to him. I am a war prize.”

“And yet he granted you the title of prince.”

“And gave me a wife, who birthed two sons, only to turn one son into a wolf and _slaughter_ the other, before _poisoning_ my wife! I do not really believe I mean much to him. My other son, Sleipnir is dearer to him than me, because he can _ride_ him into battle.”

“Oh shit.” Darcy was surprised by Loki’s outburst. Loki breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth, like Bruce showed him.

“I am very sorry for screaming.”

“He has wronged you, Loki”, Jane told him.

“It does not matter now. I will try to free Thor. I cannot promise that I will succeed or that Thor’s friends will help me, but he does not deserve imprisonment for something I decided.”

“And then?” Tony grabbed Loki’s arm. “What then? You’ll be in the dungeons and I’ll never see you again?”

Loki sighed and looked at him. “Then I will hope Thor does not hate me and comes up with a plan. However miserable it might be. Or risky.”

“So, there’s a good possibility I might never see you again?”

“We have one chance”, Jane said and that even surprised Loki.

“What chance?”, Tony questioned, quickly jumping at any idea.

“You take me with you.”

“Your work is far too important, Doctor Foster”, Loki said, shaking his head.

“I am going. Will he kill me for it?”

“No. Even if he tried, mother would protect you.”

“So, I’m safe.”

Loki sighed and nodded. “Yes.”

“Alright. Then I’m coming with and make sure to get you and Thor back.”

“Under what pretext?”, Tony asked.

“What?”, Jane asked back.

“Tony means to ask you, what lie will get you taken to Asgard”, Loki told her.

“Uhm… I made sure he didn’t escape or something.”

“My guard then?”

“Yeah. Don’t you need to be in cuffs or something?”

“We decided to take them off after great consideration. They suppress his magic even after taking them off. And the only spell he ever performed on anyone in the last three weeks, the time he’s been with us, was a healing spell”, Steve explained.

“So, no bad magic then?”

“I will not use my Seiðr to hurt anyone. That I promise you both, as I believe I have already promised everyone else in this room.”

“If he truly wanted to hurt someone, he wouldn’t need his magic for that.”

Loki rolled his eyes at Tony. “Darling. But yes, he is right. I am not as strong as Thor and definitely don’t look as built as he is, but out of all the people in this room, I am probably the strongest. That is, excluding the Hulk. Of course. I hope nobody takes offense.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 16.12.2019: fixes: Heimdall, capital letters, formatting, confused


	8. Trust Fall

It had not actually taken Loki long to find his Seiðr recovering. It was slow, yes, but he could feel it. He already dreaded not being able to access that part anymore. He had yet to tell Tony, but he knew, that Tony saw he was healing faster. He must know what it means, but he had not cared to say a word about it.

Slowly he watched the people around him, while he ate, they made plans. Plans he couldn’t know about, plans that didn’t involve him. When he went to the kitchen, he found the smaller of the two brunette ladies there.

“Miss Lewis”, he said with a smile. She turned around, a cup of coffee in her hand. “Long day?”

“Didn’t expect to get invited to a birthday-party. And by no other than mother-fucking Tony Stark.” A small chuckle escaped him, and she grinned back. “But you, Loki, the God of Chaos, being his boytoy is even more surprising.”

“Boytoy?” Loki gasped a little, pretending to take it as an insult. Then he smiled fondly. “I rather call him my lover instead.”

“Guess so.” She was surprisingly swift with answers. When she drank the dark drink, her expression became surprisingly soft.

“Why do you intrigue me, Lady Lewis? What makes you so… interesting?”

She seemed to choke on her drink. “Uhm, what?”

Loki smiled fondly and begun washing up. “I did not mean it as something bad. Maybe you just remind me of a younger version of myself.”

“The younger version of a mischievous God?”

He grinned. “Why not? Although, I can see that it is not always a compliment, to be compared to me.”

“I have never played any pranks.”

“I did not mean that part. I mean that you are a very… light-hearted person. I used to be like that. I think I miss that. The times when I did have a care in the Nines, when I had not truly grasped the power of mortality.”

“Oh.”

Loki smiled at her and put the plate away to drip off. Then he walked over to the refrigerator and opened it. He felt Darcy’s look on himself, while he stared into it and then grabbed a cooled chocolate bar. Swiftly he unwrapped it and put it between his lips, the sweetness spreading a wonderful calm on him.

“You know Lo, if I didn’t know you were male, I’d say…” She stopped midsentence, while Loki stared at her, a cold trail running down his back.

They exchanged a look and he finally spoke: “It does not matter now, does it? I’ll be gone in three days.”

“So, you are?”

“Please, I beg you, keep it to yourself. We needn’t worry Tony or Lady Foster, do we?”

A warm smile spread on her lips and she put her hand on Loki’s arm. “Alright. But I’m not good at keeping secrets.”

“I trust you. I will not make you swear it, bind you to your word.”

“You could do that?” She seemed not surprised but captivated by the thought.

“With a small spell, yes. But I wish not to put a lock on your beautifully unrestricted voice, Lady Lewis.”

Charmed, she grinned at the compliment. “You can call me Darcy, though.”

“I shall then, Darcy.” He bowed a little and she snickered, which made him smile. Suddenly he felt tears in his eyes. “Pardon me.”

Till that moment he hadn’t thought about it. Not really. Tony had mentioned it, yes, but he hadn’t really thought what it meant. If he couldn’t make it back in time… It was not just his life on the line this time. When he finally got to his room, he cowered in a corner, pulling off one layer of clothing after the other, until he sat only wearing his briefs, tears streaming down his face, clinging to the cold surface around him.

He didn’t want to go. He didn’t want Odin’s hands on another one. But he couldn’t bring himself to end the barely existing life. He wanted it, the result of their love. The light at the end of the tunnel. His tunnel. Mother would know it, as soon as she’d see him. Would she say something? Or would she keep the secret? Sooner or later everyone would be able to see. The uncertainty of all of this. He could not lose this child. He relied on Frigga, even if he didn’t want to. Any protection spells of him would fail as soon as he got the cuffs on. And he could not even know if they would work, he had no way of telling.

Silently sobbing he pulled his knees to his face, clinging his arms around them. When someone touched his naked foot, he shook his head. “Go away.”

“Lokes? Is everything okay?”, Tony’s voice was full of concern.

“Please, leave me be.” He knew his sound was breaking, but he could care less.

“I won’t.” Stubborn as ever. Maybe he loved him for that.

“Please. Darling, I don’t want you to remember me weak. And I wish to be just that right now.”

Arms wrapped around and a kiss was placed on his head. “Even if I freeze to death in here, I won’t leave you.”

Slowly he opened his eyes. It surprised him, that he had unwillingly cast frost magic around himself. “No. No, no, no, no, no.” Quickly he swiped his hand over it, before frantically sobbing again.

The kiss on his cheek was warm and he leaned into him. _‘Please, care for me’_, he wanted to say, but he could not bring himself to admit it. Another kiss on his neck made him shudder.

“No…”

“No?” Tony placed another kiss on his shoulder. “Are you sure?”

“I am.”

“Alright. Can I hold you, at least?”

Silently Loki nodded, whimpering, when Tony pulled him close, eventually letting himself slip into the others lap. He knew Tony’s mind had to be rambling right now, giving all kinds of snide commentary, but he was grateful, that Tony did not let them pass.

“I’m scared, too, Lokes. You know that, right?” A warm hand was moving up and down Loki’s side.

“I know. But you don’t have to be there, physically. You will only see the aftermath.”

“But will I? What if you never come back? What if you die? What if Jane and Thor don’t come here either? How will I know you’re still alive? What if the Bifrost is destroyed again?”

“You could ask Jane to talk to Heimdall, so he will tell you. Maybe not every day, maybe not even every week, but every now and then.”

“What if he dies?”

“He will be careful.”

“You know, for you not trusting them at all, you seem to appreciate them a lot.”

“Most of them have taught me a lot of life skills. Wanted and unwanted.” He rolled unto his back, looking up fondly at Tony. Reading his expressions.

“Really? What did Odin teach you?”

“Not to trust anyone on their word alone.”

Surprise. “Good lesson.”

“And not to love unconditionally.”

Worry. “Slightly worse.”

“And to not grow attached.”

Confusion. “Bad. Very bad.”

“And that only Æsir are worth anything.”

Shock. “How the fuck are we even talking right now?”

“Because my mother taught me that nothing Odin does is something I ought to do.”

Satisfaction. “I love your mom.”

“I hope to see her again.”

Tony nodded, understanding. “She seems awesome. How did she come to be married to Odin?”

“I was never told the complete story of their unconditional love. I believe he was smitten with her and she put him in his place. Women are always smarter, across the realms. They see things faster, see when things are… off.”

Tony rolled his eyes with a smirk. “And here you chose a guy. A bitter unknowing guy.”

“I did not choose you.”

Startled and a bit troubled he combed through Loki’s hair. “No?”

“No, darling, you were chosen for me. I merely let it happen.”

“Fate?” A small smile came on his face.

“Something like that. A happy coincidence.”

“I don’t believe in that.”

“Then I guess, I will have to pretend to be the wise one in this relationship.”

“As long as I can still be the genius.”

“And you are. Your machines, your ideas are incredible.”

“And you’ll lead me onto the right path?”

“The Trickster God? Will you really trust someone like that to lead you?”

“Yes. Because I know that he has a heart, that he wants to do good. He may have different ways and things could definitely be easier, if he just laid out all his cards, but I know that he will guide me to do the right thing.”

Softly Loki laid his arm around Tony. “Do you want me to give you a push in a direction now?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“While Doctor Foster and I are on Asgard, you should keep in contact with Miss Lewis. Not just when you get a message from Heimdall.”

“Really?”

“I believe you might come to like her.”

“Dream?”

“No. Intuition. She might still be a student and not that knowing science-wise, but I believe she’d be eager to learn, if you or Bruce would teach her. Don’t pressure her, though.”

“So, I’ll be what?”

“A friend. And she will feel like a team member. She might even be useful after she graduates. But I am not actually sure what exactly she is studying and what it contains.”

“I’ll figure it out?”

“Not just for me, please.”

“Okay. Maybe a little for myself too.”

“She’s pretty chipper. Hopefully she won’t get on your nerves.”

“Are we really going to talk about another woman?”

“We can stop.” Loki rolled off Tony’s probably asleep legs and got up, cursing to himself at the hard ground. Slowly he helped Tony up.

“I feel slightly overdressed.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“You just did. But yeah, go ahead.”

“What are your plans for the future?”

“What do you mean?”

“When I get back.”

“Oh, is it a when now?”

Softly Loki caressed Tony’s face and kissed his nose. “Yes. When. What are your plans? Give me something to look forward to.”

“Awesome sex?”

“I actually meant… Long-term.”

“I can do long-term sex.”

Annoyed Loki rolled his eyes. “Please. Serious. I need serious now.”

“Oh. _Oh_! Loki… I don’t know. I can’t make promises like that.”

Sighing Loki turned away and sat down on the bed. “Will you at least be there?”

“When you get back? Of course.”

“And then you’ll see?”

“Exactly.”

“Okay. Fine.” Loki pulled the blanket over his shoulders.

“Lokes.”

“Do you want to know, what my plans are?”

“What are they?”

“I want to spend my life with you. Every last bit. And I want to have a big and happy family away from Asgard, away from Odin’s hands. I want to have a house filled with laughter. I want to love and be loved. And I want to have that with you. Only you.”

Tears streamed down his face and he buried it in a pillow. He wanted all that and more. But he could not force it. He heard Tony curse under his breath. For a while it was silent and then he felt a hand slip under the blanket and a weight on the mattress. Carefully Tony massaged his feet und after a while Loki could not contain his hum.

“I want to see you happy, Lokes. If that means kids, great, fantastic, I love it. If that means dates and sex, also great, you know me. And I’m definitely all for keeping Odin as far away from you as possible. And maybe in the end, if you’re up for it and feeling it, I might ask you to marry me. You said you’d make an honest man out of me, but I think we need more than a few weeks in total relationship to figure us out.”

Loki’s breath hitched. “O-okay.” It was more than he could have ever hoped for.

“And I’ll probably figure out a better place to live, if you’re going to give me a few dozen children.”

Loki chuckled at the thought. “A big place.”

“A big place with a huge garden and maybe later on a pool.”

“But still in New York?” Loki was curious.

“Yeah. But New York is big. I mean, you noticed how far away the School was, right?”

“That was still New York?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’ll still have a workshop there?”

“If you let me.”

“Oh, I want you happy. Of course, I’ll let you.” With a smile Loki turned over and crawled to Tony. “You know, I won’t be angry if it won’t turn out exactly as I hope, right?”

Tony let him push him back onto the bed and smiled as Loki slid onto him. “Oh fantastic. Because the future is not as set as everyone says.”

“I know.” Loki purred when he kissed Tony’s neck. “I will change yours forever.”

Tony grinned and combed through Loki’s long hair. “Will he cut it?”

Loki sat back confused. Wondering, he touched his hair that was a bit lower than his shoulders. “Possibly. But he probably will not touch my Jötunn skin. He could be too scared I would freeze him. He’ll have Mother do it, knowing I would not hurt her.”

“You could freeze him?” Tony looked shocked.

Loki laughed. “Frost Giants can, yes. But I still do not know how. But I’ll never hurt any of you like that. If I’ll figure it out, I will only use it as a last result in protecting our family.”

“Alright. And maybe make it snow in the living room?”

Loki chuckled and grinned at Tony. “If you want. Your life will become magical.”

“Isn’t it already? You’re in it.”

Grinning Loki kissed him. “I will miss you over there.”

“And I’ll miss you here.”

“Do you have a few good shots of me, so you will never forget me?”

“Oh, definitely.” Tony’s hands wandered from his hips up the waist, before leaning forward and kissing him in the middle of his chest. “You are everything, Lokes. Everything I want, everything I need, you are my sun.”

“Odd comparison.”

“Well, I can’t just be the Moon, while you’re my Earth.”

“But that way there are a lot of people who want me, and you are just one planet.”

“Maybe I’m not the only person who wants you.”

With a small smirk Loki sat up and got off Tony. “Oh, I _know_ you’re not.” A few people came to his mind, fond memories of people that had pursued him. In the end he had taken none of them to bed. “But never doubt me, Tony. You are the only person that _I_ want.”

“People that are alive?”

Loki thought a bit about it. “I am confident about that.”

“Really? On Earth?”

“Certainly. Where else would people like me? Asgard? No way.”

“So, there could be someone on this planet who still has the hots for you?”

“Yes. I have never given them a reason to want to pursue me now, though. Never told them that they might have a chance with me. Some I had to tell off, hard.”

“You had to tell them off?”

“Yes, darling. Flirting is fun and all, making out might be too, for some time, but thinking that I would want to spend a night in their quarters, in their bed… That I would have never done with people that actually had feelings for me.”

“What changed?”

“You mean, why I slept with you? Is that not obvious? Did I not make it clear? I am yours. You have my heart. I am willingly giving it to you, only you. Never anyone else. You’re the first person to hold it and you might be the last.”

“Damn. Now I wish I could marry you right this second, so we are forever bound.”

“You would do that?”

“Yes.”

“It is rushed.”

“But do you want to? Do you want to marry me?”

Loki teared up, when Tony knelt in front of him, as he knew was custom on Earth. “Yes.”

“Great. We’ll have it small right now and have a big celebration once we are back and everything is normal again.” Loki snickered and Tony called out to J.A.R.V.I.S.: “Hey J, tell the team, that Loki and I are getting married. We got 24 hours to get this done, so we need someone to marry us, someone to get us suits, Loki and I are on ring-duty, no gifts needed, just them being nice.”

“Alright, done, Sir, do you need anything else?”

“Not right now, J. I have to focus on my lovely fiancé.”

Loki grinned at Tony and took his hand. “Will we buy them or make them?”

“Make. Get at least slightly dressed, we’re going to my lab.”

While Loki put on his pants he asked: “What will we use?”

“I was thinking of a bit of one of my suits?”

“Well, that’s yours. What about something from me, a bit of my helmet?”

“Fantastic idea. Hey J, get Nat, Clint and possibly Steve to go to S.H.I.E.L.D. and get Loki’s helmet, tell them, we need it for the rings.”

“Anything else, Sir?”

“Please don’t get annoyed by us. Oh, and put everyone that definitely needs to attend on the registry and ask them to come, too.”

“Nothing more than that, Sir?”

“Get us take-out?”

“Certainly. Who will choose?”

“Uh, Lokes, what do you want?”

“Italian.”

“Great idea. J, get us something Italian.” Tony grabbed Loki’s hand and pulled him along to the elevator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 29.09.2019: jay, fixes...  
edit 16.12.2019: capital letters, sleepy writer, commas, confused, Æsir


	9. Always in my Heart

Loki giggled on the way down. “We are crazy.”

“Yes, we are.” As quick as he possibly could, he dragged him into the lab, where Bruce was turning to them with a weird smile on his face.

“Uhm, congratulations?”

“Please tell us, Bruce, are we doing something utterly ridiculous?”

“Well, Loki, as an outsider, I’m not really sure, but you two definitely care for each other.”

“We’ll have a huge party once he’s back and everything has calmed down a little. Don’t worry about that.”

“I was thinking, wouldn’t Kurt be the best person to officiate the wedding?”

Tony and Loki looked at each other at that thought and Loki smiled. “Let’s call the little devil, right, Lokes?”

“Definitely. Thank you, Bruce.”

“Yeah, thanks buddy.”

“No big, if you need anything, I’m right here. Darcy and Jane have decided to get Pepper on their team and find someone to make amazing suits for you two.”

“So, you’re alone here?”

“Hey, I found a possible officiator. Now get on with making the rings.”

“Lokes, stand on the little light there.” Tony pointed to a spot on the ground and Loki decided to do a little twirl on it. “J, measure him. Especially his fingers.”

Tony himself stepped behind a table und opened something in the middle of the air. Before he could say anything, the same blue light engulfed him. J.A.R.V.I.S. guided him into poses, while Loki still watched Tony curiously.

“What _are_ you doing, love?” Loki finally asked, when J.A.R.V.I.S. told him he could walk freely again.

“_I_ am designing our rings. Are you a lefty or a righty?”

“Righthanded. But I mean, what is this? I’ve seen similar things before but never on Earth.”

“Glad I surprised you with something. This is a hologram, you can’t really touch anything, but you can work with it. With this J will later make our rings.”

“So, you do not smith yourself anymore?”

“Oh, you mean like I did in the cave? Nah, the suits wouldn’t get any better, would they?”

Loki stepped nearer and pushed his hand through the hologram. “This is your hand.”

“Yeah, left one. Here’s yours.” Seemingly out of nowhere Tony pulled another hologram. Loki smiled.

“So, what were you thinking for the design? Red and gold are already your colours.”

“Yeah and yours are gold and green. I was thinking about a band that seems to flip over, so half the band has red and half has green in it, but the main thing is golden from your helmet.”

“What if we don’t flip it at all, but you have green on the outside und I have red on the outside? And maybe a small line that has the same colour as your Arc Reactor.”

“Good, good, love it, the line outside or on the corner?”

“I was thinking like this.” Loki quickly figured out how to manipulate the holograms and experimented. First, he created a simple gold band and then pushed the green on the top outside and the red on the bottom inside, with a very small blue plate in between both times.

“Lovely”, Tony breathed, and Loki smiled.

“I thought you might appreciate the sleek style.”

“I love it. And you. J, flip this and make it fit to our ring fingers.”

“Could you make it glow? The blue I mean?”

“In the dark or always?”

“Always, if you can.”

“J will figure it out, won’t you, J?”

“Certainly, Sir. Now, you still need to call Mister Wagner. It is already very late.”

“Alright.” Tony grabbed his phone and dialled a number, putting it on speakerphone.

“_Herr Stark_, is everything alright, did something happen?” [Mister Stark]

“Well yeah, you forgot my birthday, weasel, but that is not why I’m calling, you’re on with Loki and me, we got to ask you something.”

“_Mein Freund_, how are you?” Kurt seemed already a lot happier.

“I am well, great, actually. More than great, I feel amazing. Listen, _Kurt_, are you ordained?”

“Ordained? Who is getting married?”

“We are”, answered Loki and leaned over to Tony to kiss his cheek.

An excited shriek was heard and then the line went dead. Jarvis chimed in: “It appears that Mister Wagner has appeared in the common area, Sir. Should I direct him down here?”

“Yeah, please do.” Tony looked to Loki and smiled, before taking his hand. “He seemed excited.”

“He is a romantic.” Loki pulled him into a half-hug and slowly kissed Tony on his temple. “As am I.” With love he looked into Tony’s eyes. “I hope that I might at least get a dance.”

“Who will lead though?”

“I have learned both steps. Thor would have embarrassed Asgard otherwise.”

The comment made Tony chuckle. “Making sure your brother looks proper?”

“Always.” He looked to the door which opened a moment earlier, with a bright grin, Kurt teleported in front of Tony and Loki and pulled them into a hug.

“You’re getting married!”

“Yes.”

“When?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Kurt stood back and stared at them. “But the time in between is the most important!”

“We do not have the time, dear friend. My time on Earth might be coming to an end.”

“But you’ll come back?”

“I will give everything to come back.”

“Alright. I shall marry you. Do you have rings yet? Where will it be? At what hour? Who is invited?”

“We’re making the rings, right now, where and when should be figured out soon, it is very small, we’re throwing a big party once everything is worked out and has calmed down. Invited is, I’d guess everyone that knows Loki in this form, minus S.H.I.E.L.D. Right, J?”

“You are correct, Sir.”

“How many does that make? Pep, Happy, 4 Avengers, you, Jean, Professor Xavier?”

“Don’t forget Miss Lewis and Doctor Foster.”

“Right, then… Eleven?”

“Correct”, J.A.R.V.I.S. chimed in, “I see you have not forgotten basic math.”

Loki chuckled. “With us, it makes thirteen, are you superstitious?”

“It’s a lucky number.”

“Well then. I guess we won’t have to invite Fury then.”

Loki looked amused when he saw Tony studying his every move. Carefully he used his Seiðr to extract a long golden string from his helmet. He did not want to destroy it, he cared way too much about it to ever do that. With a smile he separated the string and turned both parts into rings, quickly comparing them to the 1:1 model J.A.R.V.I.S. had shown in front of him.

When he was done, he grinned to his fiancé. “Are you going to ask me about it?”

“Your magic? Nah.”

“This doesn’t drain it much.”

“I’m glad.”

“And even when my magic is cut off again, it will stay in form. Otherwise my armour and helmet would have disappeared as soon as you cut them off and just some plain clothes would have remained.”

Now Tony looked confused. “Is this thing even real?”

“As real as your Suits. Enchantments upon enchantments keep all layers in one. And the basic layer is just some plain cloth.”

“Are you going to enchant the rings?”

“For that I do not have enough power.”

“Damn. And you can’t make it so you can’t get hurt?”

“Every effect of my own Seiðr upon my body are cancelled out, after the cuffs were put on. That is why you were not coughing up blood, after I put them on again. It is just stopping all magic on my own body; not effects I have put on other people.”

“Could you believe someone put cuffs on you and the very next second all the people in the room are crashing because you healed them once?”

Loki laughed loudly, barely able to contain it. “Poor Thor would have looked like he had battled death herself.”

“Death is a woman?”

“Do you think such an endearing task would be left up to a man who could be persuaded with a swing of the hips to let you live? Of course, there are multiple versions of Death, but I like her the most.”

“You _met_ her?”

“Yes. We had quite a few laughs in fact. Most people think they need to bring a lot of death to impress her, get an audience, yet she chooses who she meets with, no point in trying to persuade her.”

“_When_ did you talk?”

“A few centuries ago. She convinced me not to kill myself.” Tony stared at him, turning pale. Softly Loki took his face into his hands. “I was at a low point, Narfi and Sigyn were dead, Váli out of my reach and I had born Sleipnir shortly before, a child I did not want to have, a child my father had forced upon me.”

“And Death just casually came by and talked to you?”

“You make it sound as easy as walking through a door. She visited me and took me away, I followed willingly. I appeared dead for anyone who saw my body. We conversed and at the end she asked me, if I wanted to stay with her and her people. I used to think, there was Hel and Valhalla. Death has her sight over both, but staying with her would ensure no place in the other. When I woke only my mother was at my side. She told me to leave for another world, if I had to, but death she would not let me have.” A small smile glanced over Loki’s face.

“So not even Thor was there?”

“We had not been friendly at the time. Our friendship has shifted over the centuries. He and his shield-brothers were rarely welcoming.”

“I’m glad you’re here then.”

Softly Loki enclosed Tony in his arms. “I am too, love.”

Tony shuddered in his arms and Loki pressed him closer to his body, before carefully guiding him to a couch. Tony fell into his lap rather quick and Loki caressed his body, with all the love he had. He would leave and Tony would be alone. He tried to ignore it, but sometimes Tony woke screaming. He had nightmares, horrible, stressful nightmares. Once he had woken just after and Tony left him, said it was nothing and he left him in bed, while he went out for a drink.

After that, Loki made sure not to let Tony see, that he was awake, thinking it would make things better. Tony only slept when he was exhausted, he saw it once, accidentally, when he looked into Tony’s mind. He had slept around him, but before that, he had almost gone a week without. He didn’t want anyone looking at him, like he had a problem.

“It’s okay”, Loki whispered at the whimpering and sobbing ball of mess on his lap, “Everything you feel, you can show me. You can let it out.” He placed a kiss on Tony’s temple and looked around. Bruce had left the room, when their conversations became intimate. Loki always noticed; Tony rarely did. Tony liked his privacy and everyone else made sure that he had that.

“Don’t go.” Loki pulled Tony up, that his legs laid over Loki’s lap. Then he pressed him into the creek of his neck.

“They will not take no for an answer. Odin is furious. He would destroy the planet to get me.”

“But I need you.” It almost felt like Tony was begging and Loki hated that. He should not need to beg for him to stay. Loki had known from the beginning it might come to an end. He had been too hopeful that Odin had forgiven him.

“I know. I cannot let him have his wrath on this world. I could not breathe, if anything happened to you.”

“And what if something happens while you’re gone, ever thought about that?”

“You know, all the people there tomorrow, are not just there for me, they are there for you too. Pepper and Happy have had your back for longer than I’ve known you. And you can trust your team. You are not alone. I am confident, they will do their best to keep you safe, like you will do your best to keep them safe.”

Suddenly Tony perked up. “Shit!”

“What is it, love?”

“I forgot to invite Rhodey. I know you haven’t met him yet, but he’s one of my oldest buddies, he’ll never forgive me, if he’s not invited to my wedding.”

Loki chuckled. “Then you should better make a house-call.”

“Do you mean fly?”

“The fastest way possible.”

“J, get my suit ready and get a location on Rhodey.” He placed a chaste kiss on Loki’s lips, before getting up. “Don’t disappear on me, while I'm gone.”

“Teleportation is not in my reach yet.”

Tony chuckled before suiting up. “I want to see that, when you get the time.” It sounded a little metallic.

“I’ll take you on a trip around the world, love.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” And with that he went out.

Loki had a smile on his face. Slowly he took a breath, before turning to the ceiling. “J.A.R.V.I.S. how are the rings looking?”

“They are stable, everything looks exactly as you want it to.”

“And the weight? I don’t think we considered it.”

“You will notice it for a while, but it is light enough not to hurt you.”

“That seems acceptable.”

“Your gold was lighter than I calculated.”

“It does not have the same properties as a gold band here would have. It has to be hard, but you can’t walk around for days at end with barely being able to hold up your own head.”

“That seems oddly logical.”

Loki’s suit was white with blue accents. He had to correct the colour a bit, but other than that, he was happy with the choice his now favourite women on Earth had chosen. The jacket was fitted of course, three buttons and apparently side-flaps. They said they had thought about choosing a penguin suit, but then decided this would fit him better. The fabric around his waist was blue too, just like the inside of the jacket, the tie and the laces and underside of his wing-tipped oxfords.

Loki was nervous. Why was he so nervous? He had done this before, getting married. Sigyn had been so beautiful on their wedding day. He wished Thor was here. Last time he had stood at his side, when he married her. Thor had made sure, that he had not gotten drunk the night before. Loki had begged him to. He was so sure that he couldn’t go through with it, but when he’d seen Sigyn, so innocent, such a sweet smile on her face, he had wanted to protect her, he had not cared that it was all for politics. He had known if he left her, she would have gotten hurt, he could have run, protected himself, but not her. She would have been helpless.

He was going to take his name; Tony would have not even needed to ask. That said, he was going to walk down the aisle. Nervously he arranged his boutonniere and fumbled with the flowers Pepper had bought. Steve straightened next to him.

“It’s okay to be excited.”

Loki laughed with a pitched voice. “Sure, sure, excited.” His stomach was screaming. “Does my hair look okay?”

“It looks absolutely perfect. _You_ look perfect.”

Loki breathed slowly. “This is really okay?”

“Your marriage? Nobody else should have a word in it.”

“J.A.R.V.I.S. you are recording the ceremony, right?”

“Yes, Loki.”

“Good, I want to watch it with him, year after year.” Loki saw Steve smile in his peripheral view.

The papers he had to fill out last night, were complicated. He had not wanted to lie and J.A.R.V.I.S. had agreed with him, that it was better not to. He had wanted to inquire Heimdall about his birthparents, but J.A.R.V.I.S. had informed him, he could use his adoptive parents. That made things a bit easier at the moment. Even though it in turn made him an Odinson.

Soft music brought Loki back to the now and he grabbed onto the nook of Steve’s arm, he was holding out for him. When he was guided down the aisle, heat washed over him. He could only focus on Tony, who blushed at the sight of him. He almost forgot to give Steve the flowers, before taking Tony’s hands into his.

The things Kurt said were almost unheard in his mind, while his smile grew brighter, the longer he looked at his lover. He almost missed the instructions.

“I, Loki Odinson, take thee, Anthony Edward Stark, to love and to hold, as a friend, partner, lover and fighter. I shall be your shield when you need protection and I shall be your sword when you cannot pick yours up yourself. My love for you is eternal, herewith, I shall be yours, from this day onward, till death do us part.”

For a moment the room was still, and Tony gulped.

“Alright, trying to top that will be hard, but here goes…” He chuckled and Loki smirked at him. “I, Anthony Edward Stark, take thee, Loki Odinson, to cherish and love, as all what you just said.” He snickered again, before continuing: “I shall build you a castle, fit for a king, so we may fill it with a family of our own. I shall rise to our mothers’ love and not make the mistakes our fathers have done before us. I shall stand by you through lies and deceit so the whole galaxy will know only the truth about us. I shall be yours, from this day onward, till death do us part.”

The rings fit like a glove and all the nervousness Loki had washed away with it. Loki had teared up, hating how long it took for Kurt to say, that he could kiss his husband. When he finally did, he had to stop himself from rushing forward. He leaned downward and guided him with a hand under his chin and gave him a chaste kiss. Tony tried to deepen it and for a second, he let him, before pulling away.

“Later”, he hushed and winked at him, before saying aloud: “I think I smelled food out there, so let’s go, before it gets cold.”

The room felt a little less tense and he leaned on his husband, before letting him guide them out of the ceremony and to the meeting room, where all the food had been put onto the middle of the table, reminding Loki of feasts in Asgard.

Tony pulled Loki’s chair back. “Husband.”

Loki grinned while sitting down. “My, what a gentleman you have become, Husband.”

The joy on Tony’s face was unmistakable. “You took my hand”, he answered and smirked while sitting down.

“I guess I did. It won’t be the last time, love.”

They kissed again and then began to get their plates filled with all kinds of take-out. Loki especially enjoyed finally meeting James Rhodes, or Rhodey, as he quickly wanted Loki to call him. They shared a few laughs over the fact, that they had almost met multiple times in the past. And Rhodey told him, that he was forever grateful for finding Tony.

“Believe it or not, Rhodey, Humans are not as uncapable as Æsir might believe. I believe you would have found him yourself and whatever anyone might say, he would have lived. I just made sure that exactly that happened.”

Rhodey smiled. “Well, it was good to have you there.”

At a clinging of a glass, they both looked up. Steve stood up and smiled over to Tony and Loki. “I am going to make this quick. If you would have told me a month ago, that Tony Stark would marry an alien prince, I would have laughed it off and asked in the next sentence what this had to do with me. A week ago, though, I was sure it would happen sometime. Loki, you said to me, that he was your first love and to think that you’d gone without that for a millennium is unbelievable. I wish you both all the best, may your future be bright, may you shine a light in each other's darkness.”

With a smile Loki lifted his glass. “Thank you, friend.”

“Yeah, thanks, Cap.” Tony lifted his glass to him, too.

After that Loki watched his friends, as they ate, talked and laughed. He had true friends, for the first time in a while. Friends he did not have to leave behind, once he left for Asgard. And then, after they had already cut the cake and ate, Tony made J.A.R.V.I.S. play a slow song and pulled him to dance. They danced for a while, even after the first song ended, they held each other close. Charles, Jean and Kurt left first and slowly, one after the other, the others retired for bed.

When Tony wanted to take him up, Loki knew he wasn’t alone anymore. He stopped in the middle of their walk.

“Realm-call”, he quickly explained.

“I’ll get Jane, you go down to the room and change, if you need to.”

Loki nodded back and entered the elevator alone. “How much time?”

**Sif has been announced to come here shortly.**

“Thank you. Guess I have to get the show on the road.”

**Good luck.**

Loki peeled off his clothing and ran to his room. “J, tell them, it’s going down!” For a moment he was confused by himself, how he had switched from his formal talk to casual in a matter of seconds.

“Alright, do you need anything?”

“I need you to remind Tony, that I love him, whenever you feel like he needs to hear it. Even if you’re being tedious.”

“Will be done, Mister Stark.”

Loki laughed at that. “Thanks for reminding me, J.” He walked into the room and switched into nightclothes, before opening his braids and mess up his hair. When Tony and Jane came in, also changed, he could see the fear on their faces. “Love. Go to our room, until you hear anything, Only Jane can be here.” Swiftly he kissed him and watched Tony, as he gave Jane a copy of the key.

“I love you, Lokes.”

“Eternally, Tony.” They nodded at one another and he left.

As fast as he could he instructed Jane on the pieces of shackles. Then he sat back on the bed.

“When we get to Asgard, you need to make sure to keep near Mother. She will keep you safe. You have to tell the people that you need to inspect the prison, if it is up to standards. That way, we will hopefully see Thor. And make sure to never make it seem like we knew when they were coming.”

“What about the ring?”

Loki teared up, when he took it off. “Damnit, I hate this.” He put it in the bedside table. “Also, you kind of have to pretend, like Odin is the nicest guy ever, until you can make your own assessment of him.”

“Everything will be alright.”

“Yeah, let’s pretend that’s the case.” He nodded to the plate, that was supposed to act as a mouth barrier. Sighing she grabbed it and put it on.

“Everything will be alright.” She got up and stood by the door.

When they both heard the familiar crash of the Bifrost, they nodded at each other. Show’s on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 29.09.2019: fixes are getting as annoying as spotify ads ;)  
edit 16.12.2019: capital letters, christmas ads are annoying as well, commas, confused, Heimdall


	10. Asgard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, edit here (26.09.2019), cause I feel like I should put a warning here.
> 
> There will be torture and rape, not really graphic and the latter only referenced. so from the markers **//** till they appear once more is that scene, if you want to skip it. I think you can still understand the story without it, because it gets mentioned every now and then.

Tony brought Sif down. Loki tried to grin at her and get up, but the harsh words from Jane stopped him.

“Sit your ass back down, prisoner!” Sif looked at her and she gave her a half-smile. “Lady Sif.”

“Lady Jane. I did not know you were responsible for him.”

“Selvig isn’t really in a position to keep an eye on him, so I did, knowing more than anybody else.”

“I thought he would deceive Mortals.”

“Only those that aren’t aware that he can. He can’t talk himself out of all the things he’s done.”

“Especially when he cannot talk, smart. I will take him.”

“No. Lady Sif, with all respect, he is my prisoner. Either he stays here, or I will come to Asgard.”

With asking eyes, Loki looked from Jane to Sif. Finally, Sif sighed. “Alright, you will come to Asgard. Will you stay till his sentence is over?”

“I might. Or until I see fit.” Jane walked over to Loki and yanked him off the bed. “If you would, Mister Stark, I’d like you to tell Erik Selvig and my intern Darcy Lewis that I will be gone for a while.”

“Of course. It was lovely having you here, Doctor Foster.” Loki could see the strain in Tony’s eyes. He tried to evade his eyes, for their own sake.

Tony showed them up to the roof and Loki kept his head high and watched Sif, who kept the eye-contact. When they reached the rooftop terrace, she finally said something. “I cannot believe Thor trusted you. He should know better by now.”

Loki grinned again. _‘Yeah, he probably should.’_ Jane turned them away from Sif, so he could have a last look at his husband. With a smile he winked at him, as Sif called onto Heimdall. Tony smiled back. Not fully, just with his eyes. It was an ‘I love you’, that Loki sent right back. He did love him, his husband, the father of his unborn child. He meant everything to him, Loki thought to himself, as they travelled.

Jane stumbled a bit, when they landed, but caught herself quick enough.

“Lady Jane, I am Heimdall. Thor spoke a lot of you in the last two years.”

With a small smile she held out his hand for a shake, and he took it hesitantly. “Nice to meet you. Now, how do we get to the prison? I need to inspect it.”

“Are you sure you do not want to see the All-Father first?”

“The only way this is going to go down, is my way.”

“Alright, then.”

Their walk was long, and Jane couldn’t hold back how excited she was to be on Asgard and how interesting she found its structure and especially the Bifrost. Of course, as a scientist, it was something that would appear weird, but after a while her yammering got on Loki’s nerves and he let out groans every time she had a new question, which made Sif a lot happier to answer her questions. Sif started to trust her in her ability to keep Loki in line. When they finally reached the castle, Sif tried to get her to rid herself of Loki, but Jane denied the request.

“My prisoner. I make sure he gets where he needs to get. Now. Where is the prison?”

Sif directed a guard to take them to the prison. Down there, Jane quickly told them off.

“Why the hell would you have clear prisons? Are you insane? Yeah, you probably want to see everything that’s going on in there!” Jane jerked Loki after herself, so hard that he almost fell. “They can see everything! Every one of your fucking prisoners can see all that is going on outside! You want to watch them, not let them watch you!” She pointed at a random prison and then followed her finger. “Oh hey, darling. You got Thor locked up?” She screamed the last part at the guard again, who flinched. Then she dragged Loki to stand just a hair away from Thor’s prison.

“Jane, be careful, the walls will shock anyone.”

“Oh, even the God of Thunder?” Loki had a hard time containing a smirk.

“Yes, even me. What are you doing here?”

“Cleaning up your mess. I thought you knew better than to leave your garbage brother on earth.”

“He’s adopted.”

“Clearly. Or are you hiding blue skin under those lovely abs as well?”

“No.” He looked away and a bright smile came on his face. “Mother.”

Loki’s heart jumped at the sound of their mother’s chuckle. “I heard we had a guest. Don’t worry, I’ll take it from here. You must be Jane Foster.”

“Yes. And you must be… Frigga?” Jane pulled Loki a little away from the sizzling wall, before ending up in Frigga’s tight embrace.

“How are my boys? Thor?”

Thor nodded. “I am well, Mother.”

“And you Loki?” She went to embrace him, but Jane kept him out of her grasp, they were still in public.

“He’s fine.”

Frigga’s brow furrowed, while she studied him. “Why don’t we take a walk? I’ll be back later, Thor.”

“Alright, Mother.”

Their walk wasn’t really a walk, she took them right to her quarters. When the door closed behind them, she looked to Jane. “Now, what is going on?”

Jane let out a breath she looked like she held for a while now. Quickly she stepped to Loki and removed the plate from his mouth, before taking off his chains. “Loki cannot be seen as a… being in charge. On Earth he has been spoken free, that nothing he has done, was willingly done by him.”

“Mother”, Loki finally spoke, and she embraced him carefully.

“You seem better. Something is on your mind. Worry?”

“I had not thought the Bifrost would be repaired so soon.”

“And you could not run, not in your position.”

“I did not want to risk their lives.”

“And yet, here you risk your own and that of your unborn.”

“What?” Jane stared at him and Loki smiled fondly.

“I could not tell Tony. Forgive me, Jane. He would have made me run.”

“Sit, dear. I’ll make sure to protect you both.” She pushed Loki on the bed and knelt before him. “Just protection or do you want it hidden from their views as well?”

“If you could, until I am safe back on Earth.”

“And how will you plan that?”

“That’s what I am here for. So, we have a timeline of nine months? Better no more than eight, just to make sure.”

“And this Tony, is he by any chance the person you fell in love with over three years ago?”

“Yes, Mother.”

“So, he loves you back?”

“They married in the afternoon”, Jane answered for him.

“Convenient, how did you manage to get it done, just in time?”

Loki smirked. “You know me. Forcing his hand.”

“I do know you. And I know he is much more important, than for you to ever do that. You might look cold, but you have the kindest heart I have ever seen.”

Loki smiled at her, while she worked on his body. Jane watched interested. “You will protect Jane then, Mother?”

“Of course.”

“Good. Because out there, I’ll have to play a masterpiece. Lies and slander, Jane, I hope you will figure out, which words to trust and which not to.”

“And I will play my part. If you don’t mind, Frigga, I would like to learn while I’m here. I’m an astrophysicist and astronomer.”

“I will try to teach you as best as I can. I am sure, I can sneak you some knowledge, that could be easily available to you.”

“And I’d like to learn about Jotunheim and Frost Giants.”

“That I will make sure to do, for Loki’s sake. Dear, you’ve been fine with the body?”

“It is more sensitive, but more than that, it seems like any other form I have taken on.”

“And Tony, he is fine with it?”

“He seems to be, yes, sometimes I even forget, that I am in that form. They treat me like a friend.”

“They seem good to you.”

“He is very loved.”

Loki smiled at Jane. “Thank you.”

“No worries, _Mister Stark_.” Loki’s grin went wider, and his heart warmed a little. With a smile, Frigga got up and pulled him after her.

“Now, let’s get all of the things back on you and down to the throne room, before Odin suspects foul play.” She helped Jane put on everything again and with a sad smile, Jane tucked at it.

“Don’t worry, Loki, everything will be alright.” He nodded and tried to believe her for a moment. He would not be alright. But he had to trust her, that she would get him and his child out of here.

Standing before Odin was not nearly as intimidating, as the old man clearly hoped it would be. A small grin washed over Loki’s face.

“Free his mouth, he needs to answer for his crimes.”

“Free it? So that he can talk himself out of what he has done?”

“I will not be deceived by him, Lady Jane. Now, if you would please let him speak.”

Clenching her teeth, Jane yanked the plate off him, and he took a sharp breath in. “Easy there, Mortal, wouldn’t want to tell my dear brother that you were the one to end my life, now would we?”

“Loki.”

“_Father_, how have you been? I see you’ve been able to repair the Bifrost without my knowledge, some of the old engineers must still be alive then.”

“Two years, Loki! You just had to go and destroy the one thing that could make sure that all realms are under Asgard’s protection.”

“Oh, but I did not destroy it. Thor did. He used his hammer to destroy the bridge.”

“And he would have never needed to, if you did not try to destroy Jotunheim!”

“_I_ was the one to get _you_ informed, that Thor planned to go to Jotunheim! _I_ was the one to try to calm the situation, before _petty Thor_ just _had_ to go and attack them on an _insult!_ _I_ was the one who _you_ did not have the _guts_ to tell, that our _greatest enemy_ was my _birthfather!_ After that I _had_ to take on the mantle of king, because you had _banished Thor_ in a fit of rage. And then? Then everyone disobeyed _my_ order. The order of their _King_. So yes, in the end, I killed Laufey and tried to destroy my own birthplace. A place that had never wanted me in the first place. I was furious. _Yes_, you saved me, when you abducted me. But am I to believe you _loved_ me, as your own after that? I am not _dull_ enough to think that, after _all these years!_ But at least I have an idea now, why you never liked me. I was not your son; I _am_ not your son. By default, I was your enemy. You could have raised me to be obedient and to one day show Laufey how loyal _his son_ was to _your kingdom_, but you did not.”

Loki breathed heavily, the rage had consumed him, he was angry. He had not wanted to show it, but it was not such a bad hand.

“You left us unable to defend the realms.”

Loki took a deep breath and shook any hint of a smile off his face. “And I am deeply sorry about that. But if you were a decent enough sorcerer, you would have been able to find other pathways to do just that. Even ones big enough to send an army through.”

“And then you attacked Midgard. Knowing full well, that we could not come to protect it.”

“And I coaxed Thor into leaving me there, thinking I could somehow escape the Mortals’ grasp and take over their world.”

“Finally, you are truthful.”

Loki laughed hysterically. “You would not even believe me, if I told you anything else. And yet you punished your _moron_ of a son for taking me by my word. A few tears and shocked looks can go a _long_ way.”

Odin grinded his teeth. “So, what would you have me believe?”

“The truth. But the tale I lived through is a lengthy one, so if you really want to hear it, we will be here till the morning.”

Odin leaned back and thought. Then Sif spoke up: “My _King_, you cannot really try to see his way, he is deceiving you. He has not an honest bone in his body.”

“Oh really, _Sif_?” Loki chuckled. “The only believable lie is the one based on the truth.”

“_Enough!_”, Odin shouted, “For your crimes against Midgard and Jotunheim two years ago, you will stay in the dungeons, until your name has been cleared.” The dungeons. “Your punishment will be applied as I see fit.” Punishment? Torture. “Is that okay with you, Lady Jane?”

“Only if I get to see him once a week.”

“Fine with me. Guards, take him away.”

Loki did not know what punishment Odin had in mind, but when they first set the pace, he knew Odin was not the only one, giving the guards orders. Yes, Odin was cruel, but he would never burn his body. No, taking his weakness and turning it against him, that was something not even Odin would do. He had very different ways of breaking Loki.

At first, they just branded him, after leaving him, dressed only in his underwear. The only comfort he had, was the cold ground of the dungeons. Wet and cold, at least when they let him down after stringing him up for torture. Everything was so hot, and it became unbearable when they poured molten glass over his limbs. He could not contain his screams then.

He knew he had passed out several times, when he woke, bald, on the lovely cold floor. He also knew that torture was not the only thing that had happened, while he was not conscious. He had been raped. But he knew the guards would not go that far. They were honourable, they would not dirty their own bodies, with the one of a Jötunn.

Loki tried to tell the time, but it was quickly made impossible. Everything seemed so uncoordinated. The only thing he found, was that Jane had apparently started to mark a stone. One… Two… Three… Five… Six… Eight… Sometimes he missed entire weeks at end. After twelve weeks, the torture shifted. He was strung up again, his body barely still flesh, from the poisonous food they fed him.

“Now Loki, _dear_, do you know what this is?”

He should have seen it coming. Fandral. Of course, the blond bastard was behind his torture and probably also his rape. Loki did not even try to answer. He had lost his voice weeks ago.

“This machine, Loki, dearest, will bring the heat and light of a thousand suns upon you.”

Loki smirked a little. At least it was creative. He knew they could not kill him, they couldn’t make him appear alive, when he was dead. He also knew, his ever-growing child was protected through Frigga’s Seiðr. The little one had started to move lately, another comfort in these hurtful times.

When the guards and Fandral put on masks, Loki knew that it was going to be disastrous. He could not last longer than a few seconds. He knew he was still alive, though. He could not see anything as he curled up on the floor. He wanted to whimper, but he could only hear the breath come out.

After that he was completely lost. He felt, like he was just occupying a different body. And maybe it was better to think of it that way. He just had to wait; everything would be alright. Yes, Jane? Everything will be alright?

When a hand woke him, he tried to escape the grasp. None of the guards had ever done it, neither had Fandral, but how was he to know, if the person meant him harm or not?

“Brother, calm yourself, you will only hurt your broken body.”

_‘Thor?’_ The tears left him in an instant. _‘Please, Brother, please save me.’_ Jane had to have told him, right? Or had she left him? His brother’s warm hand on his cheek was almost too warm to bear.

“What have they done to you, Brother?” Thor took him into his arms and cradled him. “I will not leave you here.”

Loki felt himself get lifted of the ground, the lovely cold ground. Thor’s steps were fast. When Loki almost slipped through his hands, Thor wrapped a cloth around his body, which Loki suspected to be his brother’s cloak.

“Loki!”, Jane’s shriek was unmistakable.

“Do not touch him, he is broken and bleeding. Go, rush to Mother and Father. I do not believe this was his doing.”

Loki wanted to reach out to Thor, when he was laid on a soft mattress, still covered in the fabric. His limbs failed him, but Thor took his hand, nonetheless.

“I am here, Brother. I will not leave your side, until we are on Midgard again.”

Loki’s movements were slow and weak, but they were calculated. Slowly he moved his thumb over Thor’s hand. He tried to soothe him, but only made himself cry more. Several times, he felt his brother’s other hand wipe away the tears that left him.

“I am right here”, Thor, the brute, whispered and it soon turned into a mantra.

“Loki!” Frigga was quickly on his other side and began to uncover Loki’s body. “You let them do this?”

“I had not known! Step aside, Thor.”

“No. I shall not leave his side. I promised him. He is my brother, Father. He _needs_ me.”

“I have to see into his mind, I have to see who is responsible.”

“I will not leave him!”

Grunting Odin moved around and apparently moved the bed. Then he felt a hand on his forehead. He let Odin dive into his mind. He had no means to stop him anyway. He let him see everything. Start to finish, from his first memories to now. He let him see, whatever he wanted him to see. He flooded his mind, he wanted him to feel his pain. He wanted to show him, how much Odin had hurt him, how he had broken him over and over again. Loki slipped with Odin’s look into his mind. Only when he felt someone hold him, he felt safe again.

“I am right here, Brother.”

Loki clung onto Thor for dear life. He felt numb; Mother had to have worked on him, while he’d been unconscious. Something cold was at his lips. Trembling he opened his mouth and Thor slipped in a piece of fruit. Slowly Loki bit on it, again and again, trying to make it smaller, till he finally swallowed, the pieces going down his rough throat.

“Hey, Loki.” Jane seemed to kneel on his other side, her soft hand combing through his short hair. “They are still fighting, but Odin allowed me to take off the cuffs.”

“Mother said, your babe is alright.”

Another wave of tears rushed down his face. How he wished to be with Tony again, to hold onto him. But he also knew, Tony did not need a broken partner. He was broken himself. Afghanistan, the wormhole, both plagued his nightmares. Softly Thor cradled him in his arms, rocked him back and forth, repeating the mantra. The huffing of his own breath was not something, Loki was used to.

“Alright.” Odin had stepped back into the room. “You shall leave. Go back to Midgard, he is safer there, than he is here.”

“Tell me, Father, who betrayed you? Who hurt him?”

Odin sighed. He should not tell him. _‘He will be angry, Father, if you tell him.’_

“Fandral.”

Loki latched himself onto Thor, when he stopped rocking him. _‘It is alright, Brother, everything is alright.’_ He felt for Thor’s face and held him still. He tried to form the words with his mouth, but feared he failed instantly. He tried again and again, until Thor caressed him again.

“Okay, Brother. I am angry, but I shall not act.”

Pleased Loki wrapped his arms around his brother. _‘Thank you.’_

“We shall leave then.” Thor helped him up and stopped only for a moment to let Jane catch up, by the sound of the shuffling. “Mother. Father. Call upon us, when you are in need.”

“We will. Take care.” Loki felt his mother’s hand on his head. A soft smile came on his face, before he was taken away. The low mantra almost lulled him to sleep, by the time they’d reached the Bifrost.

“Gifts from Frigga”, he only heard Heimdall say, “I will find out, who shielded my view from him.”

“Fandral is no Sorcerer.”

“Yes. Whoever helped him, must pay for their sins.” Loki felt soft pressure on his arm. “Safe travels, Loki.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 29.09.2019: fixes incoming  
edit 16.12.2019: i wanna be sleeping, capital letters, commas, save/safe


End file.
